Rules for Life
Part 3, being a continuation of the rules found here and here.

10) Always remember - if it's hot going in, it will be hotter coming out. When the waiter at a Tai or Indian restaurant asks you how hot you want your entree, don't flippantly say, "Why, I'd like it authentically hot of course! Just like your mum makes back home, Gunga Din." (I have it on good authority that the famous Tai dish, "Angry Pork" stays angry. The friend who told me this tale still winces at the merest mention of pad thai.)

11) Don't be too specific when calling out body parts during the Hokie-Pokie. (I've mentioned this elsewhere, but I thought it should be here for the sake of completion. I'm trying to make the job easier for future scholars as they reconstruct my life and teachings. Hey - it could happen.)
11.1) Carefully consider your audience before initiating the Hokie-Pokie at a veteran's hospital. (Nothing's worse than being chased by angry amputees. Some of those new wheelchairs can really move.)

12) Never, under any circumstances, microwave a Starburst. They are not like pastries and doughnuts; after 20 seconds in the microwave they are still stale. Well, actually they become a bubbling puddle of brightly colored molten sugar slag, but the point is, it doesn't increase their edibility. (In retrospect, I should have put them on a paper plate - they were inseperably fused to the glass plate I used, so I had to throw it away. Tomorrow I'm gonna try it with Skittles...)

Here endeth the lesson. Go in Peace.


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