Go West Young Nerd

We salute our Locutus of Blog, Abra, as she joins the ranks of the
graduated and begins her life in Seattle. We send her off with open hearts and our warmest of wishes. Take luck and enjoy your adventures, NerdyGirl, but remember we are only a blog post away.

"In the beginning, I was a top, and it was good."
So began this friendship, and I have treasured every minute of it!
Well, every minute except those minutes in which we were trying to strangle each other... and not when we were debating the issues of your field... ooh and those minutes when I was trying to convice you about the "warrior within" were kind of rough too...
OK, so not EVERY minute has been treasured, but the majority of it has been fabulous! I'll be coming to see you before too long, but in the meantime, eat your veggies, wear your galoshes, and watch out for rope burn.

Give 'em hell in Seattle!

Special Lightning Bonus Round - Results!

OK, fine! So it has taken me a long time to post the results of this stinking contest, but I'm a busy pontiff. Honorable mentions go to Ryan for having the guts to be first, Laura for entering the contest without knowing any of the Flock, Squid for her story of the mean streets of gangland Laramie, and Big Gay Jim for a cautionary tale of homosexual reprogramming. You will all receive some lovely parting gifts...

Despite bitching to me both in comments and in person, I have chosen Zeus as our whiner - I mean "winner." His tale of Anthropolgy gone awry was both funny and clever, something which is all too rare in this day and age. Here it is...

Our subject, we will call it Man.

We begin following this Man as he learns to associate with his birth FLOCK unit.

One morning the FLOCK got into some of our instruments. OOH Shiney.

We tried to chase them away, but learn FLOCKs are easily agitated.

Eventually man sets out on his own.

After brief loneliness, man bands with his own harem to establish a FLOCK. We call this FLOCKING.

Man, proudly displays his progeny. The circle of life is complete.

New 'Rangs!!

I got a call from Kendall Davis yesterday... he has some new paint schemes, and some new 'rang designs as well!

We'll be putting together another order in the next few weeks, so start thinking about what you want, and how you want it painted. Just looking at these pics, I can tell that I "need" at least 6 more myself. I guess it's time to buy a bigger bag...

By ordering together, we get free shipping, and if the order is large enough, Kendall usually cuts us a discount, or gives us free stuff. This is a chance for all you newbies to get your own 'rangs, and stop pilfering sticks from Travis and me every Sunday... If you have questions about what to get as a first 'rang, drop me a line and I'll make some suggestions for you.

In related news, Kendall has consented to make me an even bigger 'rang than our treasured and venerable Club Boomerang! (In that second link, scroll to the bottom for a picture of the Club 'Rang and a fairly mangey group of early morning throwers.)

Catching the Club 'Rang is like trying to catch a piece of lumber that flew off of a passing truck. As it spins down overhead I always think, "This is what a blade of grass feels like as the mower gets closer." So, naturally, I want something bigger! This new monster will be 60 inches from tip to tip - or about as tall as the NerdyGirl. Should be REALLY fun to throw!

Rumor has it that Kendall is also making a special lefty 'rang for NerdyGirl. I'm pretty excited (and envious) about that as well...

(you can still be interviewed - scroll down)

The Interview Game

You can still enter the Special Lightning Bonus Round of the Caption Contest by clicking here, slacker...

Here are The Official Interview Game Rules:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Questions from Jac

1) What is your ultimate Post Modern Cocktail?
Muddle crushed ice with oleander leaves in a tall glass. Add equal parts disillusionment, absinthe, and bile, poured through a Republican's linen handkerchief drenched in the tears of my generation. Serve with a jaunty umbrella, handmade in an Asian sweat shop.

2) Where would you go after you die?
Well, after the obligatory stop at Disneyland, I'll probably head up to heaven. I've got a bone to pick with the management.

3) What should one do to become a member of your Flock?
Pledge your belief. In anything. God(s) would be nice, but Santa Clause, Tinkerbell, or UFO anal probes will do in a pinch. Then send two box tops and 11 cents in pre-1990 pennies to:

Operation Lost Sheep
1 Sinful Place
Black Vatican City, WY 66666-6666

You'll receive our secret decoder ring, a pamphlet entitled "So you've Joined a Cult...", and a certificate suitable for framing.

4) Define "nir".
The nir is a small, four-footed, mammal indigenous to the Northwestern Continental states. It is a voracious inscetivore, living mainly on the larval forms of insects like grasshoppers, beetles, and republicans. We are seriously considering importing them to Wyoming for pest control.

5) State the main Philosophy of your dark religion.
"Pants are a plot from the Man, trying to keep Celty down! Fight the power!"
Actually, the Flock is about faith. ANY faith. For fuck's sake, believe in something!

Special Lightning Bonus Round!!

The Caption Contest Part Deux was a great success - see the results here. (Number 8 was my personal favorite.)

Big Gay Jim was the big gay winner with four captions; your beatification (including certificate suitable for framing) is in the mail big guy.

We now enter the lightning bonus round!!
With these captions, I am looking for a theme. I'll be judging your entries as a series - your captions must link at least four of the following pics together in some way. Feel free to put the pics in any order you wish. The winner will be credited with a minor miracle and receive a year's supply of Turtle Wax!








Also: Welcome "The Leash" to the Sacred Blogs - feel free to deluge Ryan with stupid questions.

Rome's Latest Attack

(Caption Contest Part Deux continues here)

When residents of Black Vatican City went to bed last night, it was chilly and raining, but few had thoughts of a winter storm. Thus, the six inches of heavy, wet snow that fell after midnight caught most by surprise.

At his morning press conference, the Dark Pontiff gave the following statement;
"What is this shit? It's JUNE, for fuck sake. This weak attempt to disrupt the activities of the Ministry was, no doubt, perpetrated by those posers in Rome."

Pope Benedict XVI could not be reached, but church officials in Rome offered no comment.

When asked about a possible retaliatory strike His Sinfulness gave no comment, but insiders say that there have been several closed-door sessions with representatives of the the GI Janes and the Inquisition.

Caption Contest, Part Deux

Good job on Part I - so good in fact, that everyone who submitted a caption gets an official Black Papal Absolution, and the home version of the Ministry game!

The winners of this round will receive a full beatification from the Dark Pontiff, and a years supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat! (If you're not sure what a beatification is, ask Tessa. If you're not sure what a San Francisco treat is, ask Jim...)

#1 Rachel is told she's gonna live in a special home. (Clay)

#2 "Mmm....boobies!" (Big Gay Jim)

#3 "Brittany the Wookie Slayer (Buffy's not-so-famous second cousin)." (Big Gay Jim)

#4 The dance of the dark chef and his hot sauce queen. (Rachelangela)

#5 "And we wonder why the downstairs neighbors hate us." (Pink Princess)

#6 "mmmmm human girl, my favorite..." (Gin Saint)

#7 "I am Olga, but a poor peasant from Sweden. I sell chocolate and wristwatches." (Ryan)

#8 And lo, the Lord sayeth, "Code as you would have others code. And open source shall make you righteous." (Rachelangela)

#9 "Nope. Nothing under it. Wanna make something of it?" (Big Gay Jim)

#10 "Look at my shiny new Death Ray!" (Big Gay Jim)

#11 "Shhh.. here we find the female boozehound in her natrual environment." (Zeus)

Don't forget to tune in next time for our Bonus Lightning Round entitled, "The Many Faces of Friar Mark"!

The Tiggler

Every girl needs a Tiggler... or, more accurately, a friend who has one.

This fuzzy vibrating tongue jewelry is designed for exactly what you imagine... and it does it for up to an hour on a fresh battery. Body Punks sells them in a plethora of colors

as well as basic surgical steel.

The fuzzy Tiggler retails for about $28.00 - the bare steel model is around $17.00 - in finer piercing salons and fetish shops across the country.

Of course, our free enterprise system has already built a better mousetrap... The good people at Painful Pleasures bring us The Satisfier. It is also vibrating tongue jewelry, but its makers are quick to point out that it is 43% smaller than the Tiggler, is powered by a more commonly available watch battery, and also boasts an easier to use on/off switch.

It's a bit early for Christimas shopping, but I think this is the perfect gift for the BCP who has everything.

In completely unrelated news... please, everyone give a warm welcome to Kyle, the Dark Saint of Gin. He's new to the Blessed Blogs, so everyone should bombard his page with the inane comments for which the Flock is famous...