Our regularly scheduled Sunday Sermon will not be posted today, in order to bring you this important message from the Ministry's Research and Development Department.

Death Sucks

I don't know about you guys, but I think death sucks. Rather than just accept that death is inevitable, I'm taking steps to see to it that the good people of the Flock never have to face the horrible boredom and loneliness of a world without the Reverend.

These photos just came in from the Ministry's R&D department, where they are working on the "Cybernetic Afterlife Vessel" in which my soul will be installed when I shuffle off this mortal coil.

The Shepherd MkIII

This prototype, codenamed "Shepherd" will be ready for transplantation in early 2012. It is wireless ready and Bluetooth capable, so I'll be able to post important sermons and other updates to the Ministry's webpages remotely. The integrated sound system housed in the torso allows me to preach in public venues with no additional amplification, and on-board software can instantly translate the message into 41 languages.

Weighing in at just under 10,000 pounds, the 24 foot tall Shepherd will act as a serious deterrent to heretics and unbelievers.
Shepherd MkIII, "Redemptor"

The photo above shows the "Redemptor" version of the basic Shepherd, complete with knuckle-mounted "Brimstone" rockets for those moments when blasphemers and other generally naughty folk need realtime smiting.

Of course, the Ministry is not made through my efforts alone. All members of the Flock are eligible for transplantation as well. Shown below is the basic parishioner model, codenamed "Lost Sheep."

The Parish MkII, "Lost Sheep"

The LS has a powerful lifting chassis and a titanium exoskeleton, turning the transplanted worshipper into a 7 foot tall juggernaut of faith.

For the truly committed who'd like to take their witnessing to the next level, we offer this six-limbed heavy weapons model, codenamed "Blacksheep."
Parish MkV, "Black Sheep"

The swivel-mounted gattling gun handles the light work, while full radiation shielding and low-yield nuclear devices in each shoulder allow the Zealot to take the message to the streets in a way that will make the guys at the Watchtower green with envy.

The new Face of Faith (note the single, staring, red eye...)

For the devout with a less utilitarian bent, we are just starting work on the "Aesthete" series. While not loaded with strength or weapons, this line shows real promise in other areas. I must admit, when the boys down in R&D first pitched this project, your ol' Black Pope was skeptical - I mean, are hundreds of "bisexual cyber-priestesses" really what the Ministry needs? - but Marketing assures me this will be a very popular item, especially once we iron the bugs out of the new libido chip.

Two Aesthete MkI Prototypes testing their sensor arrays.

In closing, I'd just like to remind you that it is your tithes that keep our R&D department in business, so give early and give often.

Go in Peace.


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