I'm Skeered

With Halloween looming, I thought it might be a good time to take a look at the truly scary things going on in the Presidential race. Tell me...

Who is most frightening to you?

Rudy Giuliani
Mike Huckabee
Duncan Hunter
Alan Keyes
John McCain
Ron Paul
Mitt Romney
Tom Tancredo
Fred Thompson

For me it's a toss-up between Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee, because I'm a religion wonk and both Mormons and Baptists are creepy. In all seriousness, Huckabee is doing well - we all laughed when Pat Robertson ran, but this guy could actually get the Republican nomination.

How bad could that be?

Well, Huckabee is in favor of:
-Repealing Roe v. Wade
-The death penalty
-Displaying the Ten Commandments in public schools
-Giving Israel access to our best weapons and military technology
-Supporting the Iraqi government militarily and financially

He is against:
-Funding for organizations that provide abortions
-Embryonic Stem Cell Research
-Gay marriage, civil unions, and even Gay adoptions
-Evolution (doesn't believe in it)
-Gun Control
-Amnesty for undocumented workers
-Troop withdrawal from Iraq

That's how bad it could be.

Romney's positions are similar, although he is somewhat less rigid about LGBT issues and stem cell research. Before you start thinking that he's the lesser of the evils, remember that he is in favor of abstinence only education, and opposed to medical marijuana. And here is the kicker - he publicly said, "We ought to double Guantanamo. I want them in Guantanamo where they don't get the access to lawyers they get when they're on our soil. I don't want them in our prisons. I want them there."

Are you scared yet?

Got $2200 to Spare?

I like pretty girls as much as the next guy; more so than many, in fact. I also like guns and armor. I even like Halo - and I don't like many video games. Seems like this should be a perfect mix, right?

And yet, it disturbs me. Full Ebay details here.

Hurry Up and Wait

I have started about 5 posts before this one. I scrapped all of them because they were shite. Not funny enough, not clever enough, not "Popey" enough...

I have since realized that it might just be my attitude that is shite. I am irritated and sick of waiting around for things to happen. I'm waiting for payday, waiting for badminton tonight, waiting for other people to post, waiting for the results of the last Sociology quiz, waiting to get back my Stats homework, waiting for grad school, waiting for lunch, waiting for Godot, waiting for this president to be gone, waiting for the war in Iraq to be over, waiting for the war in Iran to start, waiting for the Neo-Cons to ruin what is left of this nation, waiting for this day and week and semster and year, to be over.

And what am I looking forward to this weekend? Not much. Badminton is the high point. From there it kind of goes downhill; cleaning cages, laundry, dishes, homework...

SOMEone should be having fun this weekend - tell me in comments about YOUR weekend plans.

Control Freak

I have a tendency to be a bit bossy at times. One does not become the Pope of one's own religion without a bit of pushiness. I will even go so far as to freely admit that I am a bit of a control freak.

There is one arena, however, in which I have almost no control - and that is food. I have always had a big appetite; my mother tells of beginning to add baby cereal to my bottle when I was just a few weeks old so that I would stop crying for food every 90 minutes. Being an athlete in school only made it larger, and once I stopped being so physical on a daily basis, it never really went back down. Sure, I'm a vegetarian so I have some control where meat is concerned, but denying myself meat seems to give me carte blanche to eat a lot of other stuff in unhealthy quantities.

Over my adult years I've ranged from extremely fit to very heavy. At the moment, I fall more into the category of "stocky." My build has also been called "husky," "sturdy," "solid," and "imposing." I have no illusions; those are all nice ways to say "fat."

I have decided that it is time to take control of this. Naturally, that means I have started a blog about it...

It's called 100 Pounds and it's more for me than for you all. It's already got a few posts on it. I don't really want advice, or suggestions, or applause, or encouragement; I just want witnesses. It's actually just my way of blackmailing myself into sticking with the plan. Thanks in advance for your scrutiny.

Fighting Crime, Dallas Style

There is a new campaign in Dallas, Texas. Like so many cities, they are trying to put a stop to the social ills that plague their city. Is it violent crime, or gang activity, or drugs, or prostitution, or child abuse/neglect that they are combatting? Nope - it's saggin'.

Yes, Dallas has joined a number of other cities in trying to ban or discourage the fashion trend. Citing its prison origin (in the joint, wearing your pants down around your ass means that you are someone's bitch, ready for sexual activity with your "daddy") and the indecent extremes to which the trend has been taken of late, Dallas, Atlanta, and a number of other cities and towns around the nation have discussed or passed laws banning pants that show the undergarments.

I hate that look as much as the next crabby middle-aged white guy, but it is amazing to me that some local governments are spending time debating, writing, and enforcing a law so trivial. Is there no more pressing matter for the city government in Dallas?

In searching for info on this, I came across an email that is making its way around the African American portion of the blogisphere that points out that "saggin' is "niggas" spelled backward. It seems that a lot of blacks, particularly women, object to the look. There is even a rap anthem called "Pull Your Pants Up!" by Dooney Da' Priest.

Is saggin' on the way out? I was just catching up with the trend! I was about to order some really big jerseys so I could strap my kilt down around my ass. I should probably buy some underwear first, though...

Wake Up Call

I know what you're thinking. "Bitch, please! No blog post from you in over a week and now you come back with a lame-ass video swiped from YouTube?! Aw hells no!"

And you're right, but this video is good stuff.

Black Vatican Sports News

The 2007 US Open of Handball will be going down October 18th-21st, at the Los Caballeros courts in Fountain Valley, California. If you can't be there, you can watch the live webcast - details here!

In local handball news, His Sinfulness seems to be recovering from his slump, winning two games of cutthroat in convincing fashion yesterday. The Pontifex Niger had been stinking up the courts for the last few weeks, until illness and exhaustion forced him to take about a week off. The rest seemed to do him some good, and he was back to his usual shaved-ape-like form.

The Infernal Pontiff was quick to point out that his fellow players were also on their games. "Vanilla Fresh was making some great shots, and Doktor Smith was playing well all over the court - until his penis came unscrewed."

His Sinfulness was referring to a brief stoppage of play, when the top ball from the Good Doktor's apadravya came off, fell down his pant leg, and rolled across the court. When it was brought to his attention, he quickly reattached his penile accessory and the game continued, but apparently the phallic wardrobe malfunction ruined Smith's concentration. "Having something fall off of your junk has got to unnerve a guy," said the Black Pope, adding, "I thought it was from my tongue bar initally - really glad I didn't pick it up and put it in my mouth."

In other sports news, Flynn and His Sinfulness took to the badminton courts last night with their new racquets in hand. Despite the horrible crushing they both received at the hands of two more experienced players from Asia, the racquets were a success.

Flynn's Qiangli B 86 (shown at left) performed well, helping the artist play better than pitiful badminton. Although His Sinfulness literally had to drag the slothful one from the house, he had a good time once he got to the gym. As he left the courts, the Canadian was heard describing the racquet as "cool as fuck," and "more smackier."

His Sinfulness was also impressed with his new Pro Kennex Titanium Pro 727 (shown at right). "It's light, quick, graceful, and maneuverable - everything I'm not," said the Sable Primate. Black Vatican insiders say that His Sinfulness has been spotted in private moments stroking the new racquet and speaking to it in a low voice. "We'll show those skinny Asian players, won't we Precious?" The Precious could not be reached for comment.

Whiny Drivel

The parts of my life are banging together again. Imagine trying to keep a feather, an origami crane, a crystal vase, two rusty tack hammers, and a steaming plate of fettuccine Alfredo all in the same sack while you hop over barbed wire fences at a dead run. When you look in, the parts are all there, but you don't want to touch any of it.

There is a very strong sense of futility in everything I'm doing right now, and yet, I can't seem to stop and find things that are more meaningful for myself. My role - that of angry guy/chief pastor to a pack of atheists and agnostics/all-around asshole - has gotten old. If I'm tired of my antics I'm sure others must be too, but once you're type-cast it's tough to get other gigs. At this point, I am in a rut bigger than Leonard Nimoy's acting career.

The temptation to say, "It's ok - I'll be applying to grad school soon, and hopefully leaving all this crap behind," is very real, but the problem there is that I will take all of this with me. Same show, different stage.

So what is the solution? If I knew, this would be a Sunday Sermon, with a snappy title and better organizational structure - not a half-assed, half-edited pity party on a Tuesday afternoon. No, there is no handy solution to this emo-funk I find myself in. I wouldn't even really take note of it except that it is off schedule; I usually don't get this pissy until later in the academic year. My patented "Black February" is fairly famous in these parts, so I'm surprised to find that I feel all emptied out in October. Early October, even.

In an ironic bit of perfect timing, a friend just IMed me a Goth Names link. Turns out mine is "Demented Whore."

Pumpkin Contest!

There is a nip in the air, decorations on the shelves, and a sense of futility in my heart - we must be nearing the 'hollowdaze.' Regular readers are well aware that the holiday season - now beginning with Halloween and continuing straight on through St. Patrick's Day and Easter - causes me considerable chafing. I have ranted at length about the Christian take-over of the pagan holidays, the faux sincerity, and the commercialization of it all... so I won't bore you all with that here. (If you want to catch up on my ranting, feel free to search the archives - who doesn't want to start their week off with a scavenger hunt of angst and discontent?) No, this year I'm going to give in completely to the crass mercantile nature of the beast...

The traditional jack-o-lantern has lost almost all of its meaning for us today. Who actually recalls the myth of the shrewd Irish farmer, Jack, who tricked the devil and for his troubles ended up traversing the earth for eternity by the light of an ember in a hollowed-out turnip? To help reinvent the tradition of the jack-o-lantern for the new millennium, I am hereby declaring the very first Black Vatican Jack-O-Lantern Contest!

Send us a picture of your Black Vatican themed pumpkins, and the denizens of Flock Hall 2.0 will choose a winner in the categories of "Best Likeness", "Sexiest", and "Best Overall." Later this week, Flynn will be posting some Halloween themed art on the BV site, to help you get some ideas for your designs.

Now, I know my Flock, and I know that you are not the type to do something for nothing. To make it worth your efforts, we will award the winner in each category a t-shirt of their choice from our extensive catalog o' swag, now including the much requested Nerdygirl Thong!

Click here for full details, and may the most Faithful win!

Photo Op

I miss this guy.

He wasn't perfect, but at least he didn't look like a Sith lord...

Or a mafia boss...

Or a tourist...

Or a golf caddy...

Or a scary Santa...

Or a Fashionista... (Love the Prada!)

Or a frilled lizard...

Or a gay cowboy...

LOL Stuff

As much as I decry the demise of the English language, I must confess that I find kitty pidgin hilarious in its own way. It might even be academically relevant, in that "someone could make a dissertation out of this" sort of way. Since you never know when you might need a paper topic, I started to compile a list of such sources...

LOLCats: The Classic
LOLDogs: Somehow not as funny...
LOLGeeks: So very nerdy...
LOLBots: Requires Serious SciFi Knowledge
LOLSecretz: Brilliant if you know about Post Secret

But these are my favorites by far...
LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh
LOLJesus: Dedicated to Damnation

Taken as a whole, the Flock is a veritable Gallup Poll of internet savy, so I'm asking that you contribute your favorite LOL stuff; sites, favorite macros, anything LOL. i promise u can haz creditz when i publishzit...

LOL Update
LOLDoctor: Funny if you are up on your Who.
LOLBible: Teh Holiez Bibul
You should also read the comments - LOLTrek and LOLCode are both funny stuff.