The Flock Caption Contest, Part I

UPDATE - I have posted the best of the entries so far. This doesn't mean that I'm not open to other fabulous captions, so feel free to offer more. I'll be posting Part Deux on Friday.

You know the drill - post your captions in the comments window. Winner gets a free Absolution from the Black Pope Himself. Don't be disappointed if your pic is not here - Part II will be posted next week...

Abra: " you put the lime in the coconut and you drink it all up. See?"
Ryan: "...Huh." (Raksha)

"Pepsi - trying unsuccessfully to slide a good product placement ad into the Flock." (Mandy)

"Abra begins cross stitching the perfect accessory for her pink knit dildo cozy." (Raksha)

"There is no Jim... only Zuel." (Mandy)

"Christin's one and only attempt at being a fluffy, happy cheerleader." (Mandy)

"Master's degree? Oh no. That's going to be MISTRESS Raksha to you, slave." (Jim)

"I see gay people..." (Mark)

"Fine, YOU are the batman, now will you help me down?" (Zeus)

"Sal's failed attempt to break into the bondage scene." (Raksha)

Roadside Oddities, Follow Up

Some of you may recall that the good name of Wyoming was recently libeled on the road to Fort Collins. Thankfully, the Governor hired a crack team of specialists - the best spin doctors in the state - to correct the damage done to public opinion. After several weeks of intensive consultations, this is what they came up with...

The Dark Niece!

The recent photos of the Dark Acolyte finally reveal that she is, in fact, a girl. Everything indicates that she is developing perfectly, and both she and her mother are doing fine.

Here we see the Dark Niece practicing the kicking motion she will soon be using on the asses of the heathens...

Note that her gender comes as no surprise to the Dark Pontiff - I prophesied this outcome months ago... but it is nice to have science confirm that I have "the sight."

The New Face of Evil

Talking with Zeus

Don't forget Margarita Friday - special flavor this week is Choke Cherry!

ooh.. I will try to be there for that! I have a new drink I made up last night for my bro and his GF too.. it was way good - a coconut cosmo

Yum. I also want to try the new fruity mojitos...


strawberry, apple, lemon...


cherry, raspberry, semen...

ooh.. I hear that last one is expensive.. takes forever to make enough mixer for very many people

I know I started that one, but eeew. ick. I am so straight right now...
Anyway, here's a recipe.

Is it just me or is it odd that kraft foods is offering up recipies for coctails? these are the people who make my mac and cheese with the cartoon shapes

Yes. Not to mention the dubious "food" known as Velveeta...

which is not coctail friendly

it's hard on the blender - gums things up


Yes - I'm not surprised that the Queso Spritzer never caught on...

that one was because of the salsa really, though

I suppose. Some people just can't handle Post Modern cocktails. The tortilla chip shot glass was brilliant though...

something to do with making their stomach feel like a picasso and their toilet look like a Jackson Pollick

Fucking whimps. Some people would give their right arm to have art shoot out of their asses...

Margarita Friday

The flavor for the day is Strawberry!
We will be hitting the blender as soon as possible - maybe even before...

I have a new uniform idea for the BCPs...

Now I realize that some of you are going to balk at this, saying that you don't have the body to pull it off, but you're looking at it all wrong.

First of all, this would be a dress uniform, so you would only have to wear this on special occassions. Secondly, if you are ALL wearing it then the sum of all that bare flesh will be so dazzling to the observer that any critical thoughts will be washed away by gratitude. Finally, the Black Pope is working on a papal bull that will make it a sin to snicker at BCPs in uniform. The punishment of such offenders shall be left to the BCPs themselves - that alone should be enough to get the more sadistic among you to embrace this...

Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, opens publicly in midnight showings on May 19th. Of course, if you have the time and money, you can see it the 16th in London, at Leicester Square cinema. If you were willing to pay $500 per ticket, you could have seen it yesterday in 10 major cities across the U.S. The proceeds from those sneak preview shows will go to charity (details).

I think we should assemble a papal delegation and see this piece of cinematic history as a group. Opening night will probably be a bit too dorky and crowded for me, but maybe the next day... who's with me?

Typical Black Vatican IMs

Black Pope says:

Seer says:

Black Pope says:
is that how it's spelled? I always thought it was "nur"

Seer says:

Black Pope says:
Really? Wow. Spelling it wrong all these years.

Seer says:
at least that is how it was spelled on the license plate we were stuck behind on the way out to the unHoly Lands last summer

Black Pope says:
That's embarrassing.

Seer says:

Black Pope says:
so... how are you? how goes the job thingy?

Seer says:
ummm.... bored... still in limbo

Black Pope says:
blech. limbo is so humid this time of year.

Seer says:
it is truly terrible..... only half of the airconditioning units work

Black Pope says:
and the mosquitoes! Big enough to carry off baboes...

Black Pope says:
or babies...

Black Pope says:

Seer says:
no, don't bother fixing it...i believe the spell checkers are rebelling in limbo as well

Black Pope says:
damn lazy spell checkers. not the same since they went union.

Seer says:
why are there people in my lab? Don't they know that Thursdays are nap days here in Limbo?

Black Pope says:
Indeed. And whatever happened to Margarita Fridays?

Seer says:
hmmm..i don't know...perhaps we should revive them?

Black Pope says:
Yes - let's have a theme for each week! Like this week could be Strawberry...

Seer says:
we definently should! we should get the Flock involved

Black Pope says:
Good idea...

Seer says:
As Seer...I approve of this can only lead to happiness

Black Pope says:
Excellent. It also carries the Papal Seal of Approval...

Seer says:
~happy chair dance~

Black Pope says:
we should also have "hangover Saturdays"

Seer says:
lol....well, only if we overdo Margarita Fridays

Black Pope says:
Nap Tursday is to get ready to overdo...

Seer says:
aahhh i see...the plan becomes clear

Black Pope says:
Then we can have "Penitent Sundays" followed by "Forgetful Mondays"

Travel Update

The forces that oppose us are hard at work. They have chosen this time of diaspora to attack the Flock, using powerful weather magicks...

Raksha left yesterday morning, and as predicted in the third chapter of the Book of Instigations, there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth....

She called today to let us know that she is stuck in the thriving metropolis of Livingston, Montana, due to snow and high winds. She will resume her trip to Idaho tomorrow, weather permitting. I checked with the Ministry's official Seer about the rest of the trip; she says that once the weather lets up it's smooth sailing from then on.

Rachel left yesterday evening for her parent's house in Colorado with a pickup-truckload of books and furniture, amidst rain and gusty winds. Using a tarp blessed by the Black Pope himself, she was able to complete the trip with relatively dry belongings. She will be back this evening to load up again; her move should be complete by the 15th.

More updates to follow.

All things pass away...

and many of the Flock, including the Inquisitors shown here are moving on.

High Lord Inquisitor Rachel is headed off to save the world, one Latin American Country at a time. The Peace Corps is her plan.

NerdyGirl the Unbeliever is looking for some rest and a mindless job until grad school next year, maybe.

General Raksha is headed to Ohio State University for a Masters in Women's Studies. Who will lead the G.I. Janes?

The Apostle Ben has found a job in his field in Denver.

Little Flower is looking at MFA programs in Creative Writing.

The Artist Theolaureate (The Hopeless Romantic) is going to Japan, land of hentai and elegant goth lolitas (that lucky bastard). He'll be teaching there for up to 2 years.

The Pink Princess is looking at a teaching job in Arizona, among other places.

Me? Oh I'm stuck right fucking here. I still have to finish a 3 credit independent study, and two math classes. I'll be leaving in December...

A Night of Surfing

Taking a breather tonight. I didn't do anything even remotely academic. I did however find this guy...

Yeah. And so that lead to the woman with heart-shaped nipples... (Scroll down to the second pic - those are tattoos. Ouch.)

Which naturally brought me to this lovely painting of a cute little dead girl.

The obvious thing to do at that point was to play chess. Obviously. So I located this groovy chess program where the computer considers it's moves visually. It also shows the field of influence for each piece on the board as wavy ripples around the pieces. Very cool.

I caught up on my webcomics next. I have a few new ones for you...

Clan of the Cats is a serial with spooky subject matter. It's kind of like Mary Worth meets Charmed, with a dash of Buffy for good measure. I know what you're thinking - "Oh, Hell! Not ANOTHER neo-pagan/lycanthrope/necromancy/vampire/love story comic!"

Aikida is this incredibly hot half Irish, half Japanese girl. Oh and she's a demon. Sometimes.

Sandra, the main character of Zebra Girl is a demon also, but all the time.

Toy Division is nearly the most fucked up webcomic I've ever loved. Join Pepsi Von Hellswine and friends for some good old-fashioned leather fetish, sadism, and child rearing. (That I know of this is at all is Clay's fault.)

Sometimes a writer is able to encapsulate the whole experience of reading a webcomic in a well-crafted tagline. Ghastly's Ghastly Comic has such a tagline: "Tentacle Monsters and the Women Who Love Them."

the Doctor Pepper Show is a bit different. I'll let the creator, Rachel Smythe, tell you about it. "This is a comic set in a world where evil doctors rule, girls wear frilly underpants and people use their manners. *May I please blow your f**king head off?* This comic features Gothic Dandys, EGL (Elegant Gothic Lolitas) and medical fetish fashion."

And that means it's about time for me to head home...

Backstage Pass

The facade is weak here. If I look hard at the edges of my vision I sometimes catch a glimpse of a stagehand. Sleep is when they do maintenance - they tidy up and patch holes to keep everything looking real. If you don't sleep, they can't work on it. So I say we all stay awake for as long as possible...

Of course that assumes that this illusion is bad for us. It could be that it is far better for us to think that this is real. Perhaps the real is so ghastly, so frightening - so depressing - that we are better off not knowing. Please, spare me your protestations about self-determinism and free will; most people will choose a beautiful lie any day. Samsara has persisted for this long because of that grim truth.

I've been on a strict regimen of caffeine and skittles for weeks now, preparing for my chosen task. I've got to vibrate at a higher frequency if I am to find out what is behind the sets, and why it is so important to them to keep it hidden. If I'm truly successful I could report back before I leave.

I saw the ghost of Foucault this morning - always a fortuitous omen. He was flipping through the Utne Reader and eating a biscuit. One more quad mocha and I'll be ready...

Sunday Night Report

wherein I vaguely mention the events of the past few days...

English Banquet - I was asked read some of my poetry as part of the entertainment, and Benedict got drunk.

Benedict enjoys an amaretto sour at the English Department Banquet Thursday night.

Benedict and the Girls

Poetry Slam - I read some poetry there too, and it was my turn to win. I opened with the "Lab Assistant’s Lament"

every night, this time of year
they come to my little island
with all manner of pestilence
and irretrievable loss
thrust their damaged children at me
look into my eyes, their own moist with hope
and plead that they be redeemed..
I, for my part, play the impotent Christ
to their academic leprosy
I lay my hands on cracked disks and frozen drives
but so few are recovered.
I’m no savior - no virgin motherboard for me
not even a bright light on the road to Damascus.
I can only stand by in mute witness
of the silicone judgement
for at the time of printing -
some have saved
and some have not

For the second round I read "Saints and Sinners in the All Night Lab"

from three to seven each night I am Morpheus underground
to the trolls, and the homeless, and those who procrastinate.
they are legion, but I have my favorites

I watch over them, and keep them safe ‘til morning

sleep coats him, breaking his back
like Spring snow on early blooms
he waits, crushed underneath,
Physics and Stats pressing him down
until finals and the thaw

I watch over them, and keep them safe ‘til morning

she curls six feet into a broken chair
folded and bound like a Peruvian mummy
in a shroud of blue polar fleece
head falling to the right, mouth ajar
slipping away
with one hand on the mouse still

I watch over them, and keep them safe ‘til morning

He sleeps on the keys
chin on the space bar
cursor racing across the screen
in my own sleepless haze
I imagine jamming a USB cable into his eye
and letting him dream his thesis

instead, I watch over them, and keep them safe ‘til morning

For the final round, I read the tired, old Sextant and Backstaff, but it was enough to win.

Darth Vader - It has nothing to do with this report, but it IS icky.

Where does he keep his lightsaber?

The Latest from R&D

For the NRA member who has everything.

If you aren't familiar with the Ministry's R&D department, click here for more.

(That's right - it's a lame-ass, link-laden, canned post, but it's crunch time and finals are looming. At least I post, you lazy bitches. You know who you are...)