Hell Hath No Fury...

...like the newly converted. One of the newest of the Cyber-Faithful, Mayren, has single-handedly flogged His Sinfulness into proclaiming the official

BLACK VATICAN THEME SONG CONTEST!

In keeping with past Black Vatican contests, there are hardly any rules (trust me on this - if you type "contest" into the blog search window up above you'll see what I mean). We are looking for a song that conveys the delicate balance of philosophical masturbation, messianic delusions, and unwarranted ranting for which the Ministry is famous. You may choose to submit an existing song or one of your own creation. Filk is certainly in the best traditions of the Black Vatican, and welcome as well.

Unlike past Black Vatican contests, this one has an ACTUAL PRIZE!

The winner, as judged by Flynn and myself, will win a piece of Black Vatican history! An actual bit of line art from Flynn's sketch book, signed by HSBP and the artist himself!

You may post your entries in the comments window, or you may send me stuff by email, hand delivery, or carrier pidgeon... the psychic entries from the last contest ended up in an uncounted box of ballots from Florida, so I'm not accepting any communication on the astral plane this time around (damn new age hippies...).

Now get busy! That funerary mass you've been planning isn't going to write itself...

13 comments:

Dr. Smith said...

one word.....ZLAD

http://www.molvania.com/molvania/eurovision.html

His Sinfulness said...

Um.. Wow.
For those too lazy to cut and paste, here is the link dr. smith offered up...Zlad

Mayren said...

*smiles profusely*
In response to the first submission I would referr to the
Gunther Video Vault For The Ding Dong and Touch Me (surprisingly good and done with the original 80's artist.)

For your Lyrical pleasure:
The Ding Dong Song - By Gunther

oh, you touch my tralala,
mmm my ding ding dong.
la lalala lalala....
Oh, you touch my tralala
la lalala lalala....
mmm, my ding ding dong.
la lalala lalala....

[Verse]
Deep in the night
i'm looking for some fun,
deep in the night
i'm looking for some love.
dedededeep in the night
i'm looking for some fun,
deep in the night
i'm looking for some...

You tease me,
oh please me,
i want you to be my lovetoy,
come near me, don´t fear me,
i just can´t get enough of you boy.

[Repeat Chorus]

[Repeat Verse]

you tease me,
oh please me.
i want you to be my lovetoy. come near me, don´t here me,
i just can´t get enough of you boy.

[Repeat Chorus Till End]

His Sinfulness said...

My musical tastes seem quite pedestrian compared to these submissions.

This contest thing has reminded me of something that I meant to start a while back - an official Ministry "iPod Shame File." This is where you come to bare your musical soul and confess the music on your iPod that you are horrified by, yet you can't delete. Look for that to begin this weekend...

Mayren said...

ok ok .. one more funny entry

So Long Princess (a punk rock Star Wars Tribute Band)
The song name is StormTrooper.
So Long Princess - StormTrooper

But honestly i thought someone would write and record a NEW theme song. I think the Black Vatican is unique enough for one.

Perhaps "This is my Theme song------Dead Flynn's Theme song" then put wicked guitar licks before and after singing this chant. The guitar licks would sound like the guitar rifs from Bill & Ted's Excellent adventure that play everytime they introduce themselves EXAMPLE: " I am Ted Theodore Logan and I'm Bill S. Preston Esquire; and together we are Wyld Stallions... "(guitar rifs here)

Raksha said...

Okay, I combed my iTunes files and found some likely candidates (other than the obvious ones, like "Sympathy for the Devil" or "Highway to Hell"):

"Carry on Wayward Son" by Kansas
"Judith" by A Perfect Circle
"Don't Make Me Ill" by A.F.I.
"Bring It To An End" by Anti-Flag
"I Want To Conquer the World" by Bad Religion
"I'm Afraid of Americans" by David Bowie
"I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Deathcab for Cutie (just for the title!)
"The Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen
"Wicked Ways" by Garbage
"Hellfire" by Inkubus Sukkubus
"Paint it Black" by Inkubus Sukkubus
"Run Like Hell" by Kittie
"Shitlist" by L7
"Mean Mean Man" by Maow
"Unforgiven" by Metallica
"Spite and Malice" by Placebo
"Not a Virgin" by Poe
"Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine
"Nobody Weird Like Me" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Laugh, I Nearly Died" by the Rolling Stones
"I Hate Your Guts on Sunday" by Screeching Weasel
"Fell on Black Days" by Soundgarden
"The Thing I Hate" by Stabbing Westward

There! Go filk yourselves!
"God" by Tori Amos
"Pretty When You Cry" by VAST

MightyMightyM said...

Indie Sux, Emo Sux, Hardline Sux, You Suck - Anti-Flag
Straight to Hell - The Clash
The Seven Deadly Sins - Flogging Molly
Paranoid - Black Sabbath
Man in Black - Johnny Cash
Black Steel - Tricky

Nerdygirl said...

I vote for "God" being the official song of the BCPs.

La Petite Fleur (AKA Tessa) said...

i second nerdygirl... as for the black vatican, it is not so simple... placebo seems to fit - but that could just be the current placebo excitement running through the flock... i think you should have benny k put one of your poems and/or rants to music

Mark Travis said...

I'm gonna go pretty simply with this one. As any entrance theme for the sable-est of appearances that His Sinfulness might attend. I vote for Black Betty by Ram Jam.

Also, I think that there should be entire mass parts and song selections for the different parts of the mass. Like the offertory, play Money by Pink Floyd. And so on and so forth.

Discuss.

Dr. Smith said...

It is my opinion that each person should only be allowed one entry into the contest, not an entire top 40 list.

Squid said...

I know I am a little late in the entry, but it took sometime to find the perfect song. (that and well I hadn't yet stumbled upon it.) my suggestion is! ...

Born Secular by Jenny Lewis and The Watson Twins
Small sound clip.

Lyrics:
I was born secular and inconsolable.
I heard that he walked, he walked the earth.
God goes where he wants.
And who knows where he is not.
Not in me.

It's the way mothers greet their sons
When it's a moment too late.
It's the law of the land
That sometimes the dam just breaks.
God works in mysterious ways.
And god gives and then he takes.
From me.


It's short, sweet, and to the point. As well as a very beautiful recording.

Anonymous said...

I think this song should win
lj
The lyrics are below:
I love Cake,

I've got wheels,
Of polished steel,
I've got tires that drive,
The road,

I've got seats that selflessly,
Hold my friends,
And a trunk that can carry,
The heaviest of loads,

I've got a mind that can steer me,
To your house,
And a heart that can bring you,
Red flowers,

My intentions are good,
And earnest, and true,
But under my hood,
Is internal combustion power,

And Satan is my motor,
Hear my motor power,
Satan is my motor, motor,
Hear my motor power,

Satan is the only one,
Who seems to understand,

I've got brakes,
I'm wide awake,
I can stop this car,
At anytime,

At the very last second,
I can change directions,
Turn completely around,
If I feel so inclined,

I've got a mind that can steer me,
To your house,
And a heart that can bring you,
Red flowers,

My intentions are good,
And earnest, and true,
But under my hood,
Is internal combustion power,

And Satan is my motor,
Hear my motor power,
Satan is my motor, motor,
Hear my motor power,

Satan is the only one,
Who seems to understand,
Satan is my motor,

Satan is my motor,
Satan is my motor,
Satan is my motor,
Satan is my motor,

Satan is my motor,
Hear my motor power,

Satan is the only one,
Who seems to understand...

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