I am sick of waiting - when are my superhero powers going to kick in?

See, when I was little, I didn't want to be a fireman or a cop when I grew up - even though that's where I ended up for a time. I wanted to be the Human Torch (no 'Flaming' jokes, please...). It wasn't so much the flying and the setting stuff on fire - though that would be cool - it was the way that the Fantastic Four always got stuff done. Sure, they beat up the bad guys, but they also solved problems. They knew how to fix stuff - I want THAT power.

Like any true superhero, I would use it for the good of others. I'd start small, just concentrating on the Laramie vicinity to begin with. I would help Aubrey finish her paper, I'd get Abra to relax, I'd bring Ainsley a brain, I'd find Mandy a man, ditto for Jim - oh, what the heck; I'd find them each two men - and naturally, I'd have this all done in time for the weekend (no sense trying to break in new men on a weekday - right, Jim?).

I'd bring Ben a few extra pounds for his midsection (I'm sure Jim and I can donate enough to fill him out...). I'd help Kim D. find a few puddles to jump in, and to round out the short list, I'd deliver to Rachel ('She who IS all things good and cute') a big box of peace.

Alas, my superpowers seem to lie mostly in the realm of grammar, kiteflying, and quoting movie lines. Unless... could really loud body noises be some form of superpower?