Sacred Text #2

Originally told to the Plagiarites in the 2nd Epistle to the Californians, beginning in the 6th chapter at the 9th verse.

"And lo, the Lord didst make bagels available unto them,
and they were day-olds and thus half price,
for the Lord thy God is a frugal God.

And there were some who didst eat their bagels,
and some who didst cast their bagels into the weeds
when they thought the Lord was not looking.

When the Lord returned in the morning and asked,
"Didst thou enjoy thy bagels?", those who ate them said,
"yes Lord, they were crunchy and healthsome"
and the Lord didst make them prosper
and grow fat from the carbs.

When the Lord asked those who didst cast their bagels into the weeds,
they spake unto Him, saying,
"Um... yeah. They were, like, great and stuff."
Hearing their lies, the Lord didst fetch their bagels from the weeds
and smite them with them, saying,
"O ye of weak jaw - you shall have no place in my father's delicatessen!"
And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth,
for the bagels had grown even harder overnight,
and the edges were sharp and crusty."

Here endeth the lesson.

Artist's Comments:

This comic, as the Pontiff will attest, was not my favorite concept. However, having completed it, I think it might be my favorite thus far. The background in this one was really fun to work out (in fact I was a little sad to cover it up with people). I got a bit lost in the process and put in all kinds of grass, texture, and even a few faint clouds. When all was said and done I spent about four hours on the background alone, and I think it shows.
It was nice to play with the characters a bit as well. The Pope in this one is actually a redrawn concept sketch from the planning stages of the comic - we have a small library of those. As for R&D Guy - I only wish I could grow a beard like that...

Okay everyone, enjoy the comic, I'm off to sunny Texas for a proper, responsibility-free vacation. Just the thing a weary cable-monkey needs to clear the head and revitalise a somewhat parched sense of humor. Enjoy!

Reverend's Comments:
This piece is very near to my heart. It has been a crowd favorite since the first time I performed it at a poetry slam, and I still have people walk up to me on campus and say, "Dude, I loved that crusty bagels thing..."

As Flynn indicated, this was not his favorite concept for a comic. It has undergone numerous revamps - it was originally set in "Unhallowed Grounds," the Black Vatican Coffee Shoppe, and the person catching the bagel in the head was Nerdygirl the Unbeliever (it's what she gets for not believing!). The first sketch had cream cheese on the bagel... the way he drew the splatter lead to a host of bukkake jokes, and the concept was hastily redrawn. (If you don't know what bukakke is, just Google it. Better yet, don't...)

I like the "lost in Egypt" thing he has going on here, because that is sort of what every day here at the Black Vatican feels like...


Unknown said...

Yea! I'm first! Na na na na!!!

If they were older raisin bagels the Lord could have made bread pudding out of them... no bleeding gums necessary.

Mayren said...

Mkay, This is a perfect union of words and art. Neither are as funny without the other. Together they could probably smite the world.

Wierd that it was directed to Californians yet the artist took off to Texas... Where as this reader/fan/shameful groupie moved from Texas to California...
perhaps the artist didn't understand that the weather in Texas is not so kind.

mist1 said...

Your G*d is a cruel and vengeful G*d. Why did G*d make them fat? That's so mean.

I don't mind being cast out of the deli, but please G*d, whatever you do, don't make me fat.


Linus said...

Also could have made croutons... Yes, the Lord was a bit hasty there.

Thank you! This single frame sparked a multi-hour debate about the balance between art and words. Which, incidentally, gave us the idea for your birthday greeting. ;)

I think it's a cultural thing - being fat back in the day meant you were rich... today, I'm sure the Lord would give you radicchio with low fat vinaigrette...

miss kt said...

no wonder people come up to you about it - its funny :) i like the drawing for it as well, very funny :D

Squid said...

As a member of the Flock who has been at the original readings, I have to say I would have much rather have seen it in Unhallowed Grounds. Not to say that the comic isn't amazing, because it is! The background rocks! But I would like to see it in the coffee shop being preached to the crowd, maybe that is just my nostalgia however.

Raksha said...

Choose life. Choose carbs.

I had a carb sandwich once. It was fantastic.

Dr. Smith said...

Mmmm, bagels.

Flynn said...

I'm glad you all enjoy this one, I'm very happy with how it turned out!

It really was a multi-hour debate, I think we spent more time arguing about how to carry it out than we did writing/illustrating...

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