Sunday Sermon (a couple days late...)

Alright. All you people who complained about the lack of hellfire and brimstone here at the Ministry lately should be pleased with the following.

No hand jobs in Israel...
"When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his genitals, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy." (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

You see, this is the kind of verse I love. You have to wonder about what set the precedent for this one... was it an accident? I doubt it. I figure some frustrated Hebrew woman grabbed her man by the sack and squeezed until he promised to act like an adult. The judges got together and said, "Oi, did you see what happened to Avram's keniggies? We have to put a stop to these meshuggina women right now!"

No teasing the handicapped...
"'A curse on anyone who misdirects a blind man': the people must all say 'Amen'." (Deuteronomy 27:18)

Um... ok. But can you have fun with them in other ways? Like, for example, sneaking up on one and snatching the yarmulke off his head? No curse for that apparently.

I'll just leave you with this...

"The Idea of a Supreme Being who creates a world in which one creature is designed to eat another in order to subsist, and then passes a law saying, "Thou shalt not kill," is so monstrously, immeasurably, bottomlessly absurd that I am at a loss to understand how mankind has entertained or given it house room this long."
- Peter De Vries

Go in Peace.