Defunk

The progress of American Letters marches on...

defunct (di-fngkt') adj., having ceased to exist or live. L. defunctus, p. p. of defungi to acquit one's self of, to perform, finish, depart, die; de + fungi to perform, discharge: cf. F. d['e]funt.
Example: "The boar, defunct, lay tripped up, near." --Byron.

defunk (di-fungk') v., to remove the funk from. Neologism, Hastings, 2004 (last Monday, to be exact).
Example: That shirt smells - we should defunk it." --Furious

More Movies
Alright, certain members of the Flock were not sufficiently challenged by my first list...

Army of Darkness ("First you wanna' kill me, now you wanna' kiss me. Blow.")

The Big Lebowski ("Nihilists...say what you will about the National Socialist Party, but at least it's an ethos.")

Fargo ("He was funny lookin'. More so than most.")

Bad Taste ("I'm a Derek - and Dereks don't run.")

Tommy Boy ("He's a big dumb animal, isn't he folks?")

Metropolis (No quote - I'm talking about the original. It's silent.)

Phantom of Paradise (Good luck finding this one at the video store...)

Excalibur ("Behold - the Sword of Power!")

Barbarella (See where Duran Duran got their name...)

Labyrinth (David Bowie at his androgenous best...)

Dark City ("Sleep. Sleep NOW.")

The Name of the Rose ("We are not here to debate whether Christ was poor - but rather, if the Church should be.")

The Last Star Fighter (Who says playing video games never pays off?)

Dangerous Beauty ("Just because you can say it in Latin, doesn't mean it's not obscene.")

Outlaw Josie Wales ("I got a piece of rock candy, but it ain't fer eatin' - it's fer lookin' through.")

Tombstone ("Yes darlin', you're a good woman. Then again, you might be the anti-christ.")

Heathers ("I love my dead gay son!")

Idle Hands ("This voice said, "Walk into the light..." Dude, it was just too far.")

Lost Boys ("People are strange, when you're a stranger...")

Purple Rain (I like Prince. Deal with it.)

Liquid Sky ("This pussy has teeth.")

Quadrophenia (Worth it just for the soundtrack by The Who...)

Clockwork Orange ("And what do you have to play your 'Fuzzy Warbles' on? Pitiful, portable, picnic player? Come with Uncle, and you shall hear demon trombones, and angel coronets. You are invited.")

Iron Monkey (but for god's sake, don't rent the sequel...)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ("Fine, then. Not Sisters. Not friends.")

American Werewolf in London ("Do us all a favor - kill yourself.")

There - that oughta' hold you for a while...

The Reverend's Movie List
It has come to my attention that many of the Flock are a bit behind in their cult movie viewing. If you haven't seen these movies, go rent them. I mean it.

Blade Runner ("Too bad she won't live - but then again, who does?")

Big Touble in Little China ("Have you paid your dues? Yes sir, the check's in the mail.")

The (original) Star Wars Trilogy ("No mystical force guides my life...")

Star Trek II, Wrath of Kahn ("Revenge is a dish best served cold.")

Mystery Men ("Disco is NOT dead! Disco is LIFE!")

The Austin Powers Trilogy ("Would you like a suckle of my zipple?")

All the Queen's Men ("I'm a bisexual lesbian trapped in a man's body, but it's more complicated than
that.")

Aliens ("No guns? What are we supposed to use, harsh language?")

Tank Girl ("I have two words for you - BRUSH YOUR TEETH!")

Rock Horror Picture Show ("Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?")


There are many more, but this will get you started.

Linus "Well, I am a ticking time bomb of fury..." Furious

Sunday Sermon

(The Management regrets that the Sunday Sermon has been postponed due to the following important message from our founder, The Reverend Linus Furious.)

"A Drag Queen touched my sack."

(We will return to our regulalrly scheduled programming once the Reverend is able to wrap his mind around this experience. Your patience is appreciated.)

Sunday Sermon (a couple days late...)

Alright. All you people who complained about the lack of hellfire and brimstone here at the Ministry lately should be pleased with the following.

No hand jobs in Israel...
"When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his genitals, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy." (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

You see, this is the kind of verse I love. You have to wonder about what set the precedent for this one... was it an accident? I doubt it. I figure some frustrated Hebrew woman grabbed her man by the sack and squeezed until he promised to act like an adult. The judges got together and said, "Oi, did you see what happened to Avram's keniggies? We have to put a stop to these meshuggina women right now!"

No teasing the handicapped...
"'A curse on anyone who misdirects a blind man': the people must all say 'Amen'." (Deuteronomy 27:18)

Um... ok. But can you have fun with them in other ways? Like, for example, sneaking up on one and snatching the yarmulke off his head? No curse for that apparently.

I'll just leave you with this...

"The Idea of a Supreme Being who creates a world in which one creature is designed to eat another in order to subsist, and then passes a law saying, "Thou shalt not kill," is so monstrously, immeasurably, bottomlessly absurd that I am at a loss to understand how mankind has entertained or given it house room this long."
- Peter De Vries

Go in Peace.

Ladie's Night Out...

Two Irish women had gone for a Girl's night out, but had been decidedly over-enthusiastic with the Guinness. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something. They had nothing to wipe with; one thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon fron a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to use that. They then made off for home. The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said "That darned girls nights out has got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties. "That's nothing" said the other "mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks that said "From all of us at the fire Station. We'll never forget you".

Neighbors

MacFarlin saw MacGregor leaning on their shared fence; knowing this meant MacGregor wanted to talk, MacFarlin went to the fence...
"Greetings MacGregor, how are things by ye?"
"I have a bone to pick with ya MacFarlin!" he replied.
"Now what might that be?"
"It seems your son has writ his name in the snow on my side of the fence with his urine!"
"Well you know boys, they will be boys."
"That they will friend, but I recognized me daughter's handwriting!!!! "

A bad day at the races...

Padraig was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine.
"Ouch!! What was that for?" he asked.
That's for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a hurling match on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "Now what was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called".

The Irish don't play much golf...

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

Celtic Humor

A man from Ireland, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a Englishman in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?" The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" the Irishman says. "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." "You got a fax machine?" asks the Irishman. "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Irishman. The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?" The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Irishman replies. The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the Brit in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives all over Ireland looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Armagh plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen. The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The Englishman with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Irishman, "What's up?" "Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." The Irishman exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

Sunday Sermon "Whaddya know, Joe?"

"There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before."
- Robert Lynd

"Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?"
- Rose Kennedy

"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best."
- Henry Van Dyke

"I realized that If I had to choose, I would rather have birds than airplanes."
- Charles Lindbergh

"A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song."
- Chinese Proverb

"The very idea of a bird is a symbol and a suggestion to the poet. A bird seems to be at the top of the scale, so vehement and intense his life. . . . The beautiful vagabonds, endowed with every grace, masters of all climes, and knowing no bounds -- how many human aspirations are realised in their free, holiday-lives -- and how many suggestions to the poet in their flight and song!"
- John Burroughs

"You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren."
- William Henry Hudson

"I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment, while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn."
- Henry David Thoreau


The majority of today was spent in the car with NerdyGirl, driving to the bustling metropolis of Rock Springs, located in the scenic southwest quadrant of The Siberia of the Americas. One tasty Easter Brunch later, we returned with my new buddy, Joe.

Joe is a Black-headed Caique (Pionites melanocephala melanocephala ), and he is recovering from the trip nicely. I'll put some pics of him up later this week.

He has asked if he can do a guest blog appearance, so look for Joe's reflections, coming soon...

Go in Peace.

Every person must die at some point.
Every day, some decide not to wait for it passively.
Every couple minutes, one of them puts a gun to their head.
Every once in a long while, it's a person I know.
Every time it happens, I'm surprised.

Happy Good Friday

Thanks to Mel Gibson, Christians all over America are now experiencing the naughty fun of a good flogging...


(NerdyGirl's comment reminded me of this... What a nerd I am.)

Stinging Nettles (Urtica dioica).

I don't think that they grow here in the Siberia of the Americas, but back in NC where I grew up they were all over. This is not a plant that you need a book to identify - it grows in little patches usually, and if you walked through one, you'd know immediately. The plant has tiny hairs that get imbedded in the skin and itch and burn; touching the affected area makes it much worse. Thankfully, the remedy is simply to wash the hairs away - the stinging stops almost immediately, but as I recall, the few moments it took to rush to the nearest hose for a rinse were quite intense.

I have walked in nettles of a sort for the past few days. I am stinging and uncomfortable all over. Passing among friends has been rather miserable - they mean well, but I am just flinching away from every bit of contact. I need to rinse off, so to speak, but the soul is difficult to get under the showerhead...

Spring has come again
The snow has finally stopped
The crescent moon and
Leafless trees look
Thinner than before
At night I push my window open
And gaze into space
Beyond my pillared eaves
Spreads a sky of stars.

- Han-shan Te-ch’ing (1546-1623)

Has the snow really stopped? I am enjoying the weather, but I am not convinced. Let me remind everyone - it snowed last year during Finals week!

A Wyoming native told me last year that when it snows in May you have to ask yourself if it is a late snow, or just a really early one... We never really put our coats away around here. The blanket that you keep in the trunk may as well just stay there. It's sort of meterological Boy Scout-ism; "Be Prepared" is not just a good idea - it's mandatory.

I'm sure that the old Zen masters would think that "Be Prepared" is an excellent way to live.
Be prepared to experience every moment as it comes.
Be prepared to take your shoes off and feel the grass.
Be prepared to give of yourself fully.
Be prepared to get some sun.
Be prepared to meet adversity with compassion.
Be prepared to walk in the rain.
Be prepared to render aid.
Be prepared for it to snow.
Be prepared to see the Buddha Nature in yourself and others.

Why there was no Sunday Sermon...

I tried to work on my sermon, but I was so upset over the Deutero-Isaiah -vs- Proto-Isaiah controversy that I couldn't concentrate. (The Deutero-Isaiah theory claims that there were three individual authors, whose works were later compiled together under the name of the the Proto-Isaiah, the “real” Old Testament prophet.
(No? OK, how about this one;)

I was working on my Gaelic grammar and I lost all track of time...
(OK, I admit that one is far fetched. How about;)

I suffer from accute Inopia Celeritatis, a mild dyslexia that makes it impossible for me to be on time.
(You're not buying that one either...hmm;)

Hostes alienigeni me abduxerunt. Qui annus est?
(That one is only good if you speak Latin. Maybe this will work;)

Yo soy el pollo diablo!
(True, but not a good excuse...)

All right; the truth is, I was green with envy over Aubrey's new trike; I simply couldn't write. I have been searching for a way to out-nerd her ever since she got it.

There, I admitted it. I need to go lay down now.