The New Pain

There has been a lot of sweating going on around FlockHall 2.0 of late. I know you're all sick of hearing about kettlebells and running and court sports, so I'll now bore you with some other activities some of us are pursuing.

Captains of Crush Grip Trainers

You know those crappy little grip trainers you can get at WalMart - the spring with two plastic handles? Well, the Captains of Crush trainer is their larger, sterner cousin. To put it in perspective, it takes around 30-40 pounds of pressure to close the WalMart special, while the CoC #1 takes approximately 140 pounds to close. When we got it, both Flynn and I couldn't quite close it, but after a few weeks of working with it three times per week, we are both able to close it with both hands. It's not easy mind you - a set of ten reps will make your forearm feel like it's been injected with ignited gasoline - but we both have been really enjoying the sense of accomplishment.

Luckily CoC makes three more levels, requiring 195, 280, and 365 pounds of pressure respectively. Closing the #3 and #4 is so rare that IronMind, the company that makes them, actually certifies anyone who can do it before a judge of their choosing. So far, only 5 men have ever closed the #4.

For the moment, Flynn and I are setting our sights on the #2. Thankfully, IronMind has started offering grippers in between the levels, so a #1.5 is on my shopping list.

100 Push Ups

Some of the runners I visit with on the internet were just getting started on this program a few weeks ago, so naturally I thought, "There isn't enough physical suffering in my life. I should do a 100 push ups too!" I started the program the very next day.

Basically, you take a test to determine where your upper body fitness is to start with, then the program has three levels. You retest after every two weeks to see if you need to change levels. In theory, you should be able to do 100 consecutive push ups at the end of the program, which is six weeks long.

Currently, Flynn, Fleur, SpicyPants, Beckers, Sarah, G-Fresh, and I are participating. Everyone is making good progress - and paying the price in pain. Push ups are a deceptively simple movement, yet they can cause some of the most intense non-injurious discomfort possible in the exercise world. Everyone should try it!

"But why, Linus?" you might ask. Well children, dark days are ahead. I think all of us would do well to take Sarah Connor as our role model. She knew that the terminators were coming, so she made her body fit enough to survive. While I don't think that robots from the future will be marching down main street anytime soon, I do think that a few gasoline riots are a very real possibility in the not too distant future. These are soon to be desperate times - better to be prepared.

Plus - how hawt was Sarah Connor? Super hawt. You want to be super hawt while you repel the coming apocalypse, don't you?