Completely by accident, I stumbled onto these reviews of the two Christian Bale Manbat movies (I refuse to call them Batman movies, because they have so very little to do with the Caped Crusader), and immediately I recognized a kindred soul. If I wasn't tied up with grad school right now I'd seek the writer out and offer to have his babies.
First, he explains in painstaking detail why "Batman Begins" is so amazingly bad, and then he gives "The Dark Knight" the sort of rough backdoor treatment it so richly deserves.
I think I knew I was in love with this guy when I read the following...
"...what was the deal with the mother? She had three lines. For the entire movie, it’s all about Papa Wayne. Apparently, Bruce didn’t love his mother very much. Oh, and there’s some awful exposition explaining Gotham City to young Bruce and the audience (in the film’s only incredibly offensive CG portion). If the Adam West TV show did an episode about the death of the Wayne parents (it didn’t, but if), it would have done a better job.
But this passage regarding the performance of Aaron Eckhart was the kicker...
"Eckhart’s hair does most of the acting. He’s exceptionally bad. In fact, he’s silly. If it weren’t for the overbearing music and the constant, weighty pretension, I would have laughed through every one of his line deliveries. Luke Perry would have been better..."
When I read that, I believe I wept.
Please click on the links above and read. If you are one of the brainwashed millions who lapped up these piles of visual detritus, this may be your last chance to get help.