The Apology Tour

I don’t know why I do it, but I’ve been listening to conservative talk radio again. This week, the big complaint is President Obama’s European tour – or as Karl Rove is calling it, “The Apology Tour.”

Karl Rove is upset – and not just because he’s slowly starting to look like a cross between Rush Limbaugh and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. No, he’s upset because Obama doesn’t accept the doctrine of American exceptionalism. Oh, we’re exceptional all right – we’re the only country that acts like the global economy should be our play-toy... we’re the only country that believes we can make something true just by saying it over and over (say it with me – “Iraq has weapons of mass destruction; Iraq has weapons of mass destruction…”). We’re the only country where purposeful ignorance of all other countries is the norm; we’re the only country where obesity, diabetes, and heart disease are the national birthright. We’re the only industrialized country where the majority of the population doesn’t believe in evolution. I could go on, but you get the picture. We’re exceptional all right – exceptional assholes.

We’re certainly exceptional in at least one other way – we’re the only nation that has actually nuked an enemy. Wow - there’s a point of pride. Now that we finally have a president who will admit that because of the Enola Gay's little delivery, we might have a special duty to the cause of global arms reduction, and he has the stones to step up and say, “yeah – our bad. Won’t happen again...” – the failocrats are calling him a guilt-ridden wimp.

Now, I understand that conservative self-esteem is all tied up in god, guns, and the belief that America has the most of both, but isn’t it time for us to get past the symbolic erection measuring that has characterized much of our foreign policy since the second world war? Ours might be the biggest, but that’s not always best – am I right ladies?

On to our poll wrap-up for this week. The question was:

Teabagging is...

and you responded:

A great way to get Obama's attention. (0%)
A great way to celebrate a headshot. (5%)
A great way to demonstrate how out of the loop you are. (55%)
A great way to follow-up a mushroom print. (25%)
A great way to get herpes. (15%)

I have a couple observations on this. First, I think it's interesting that no one chose "A great way to get Obama's attention." Supposedly about 250,000 Republicans thought it was exactly that. So why didn't they speak up in this poll? Wait - you mean, I don't have any Republican readers?! How could this happen?

As for the herpes thing, teabagging itself is not a real productive form of transmission. It can happen, but there are many more likely ways to give "the gift that keeps on giving." At any rate, you should check for sores before you put stuff in your mouth...


Raksha said...

If I had a tumor I'd name it Karl.

Seriously, though, why do you do this to yourself? Conservative talk radio is the auditory social equivalent of the process ancient Egyptian embalmers used to remove the brains during the process of mummification.

Teh Dr. said...

I always check for sores before I put my stuff in people's mouths ;) No seriously though, it is standard operating procedure for dental hygienists to check for sores before instrumenting in someone's mouth. If yours does not then they could be auto inoculating you with the viral particles from a sore and then you would have more areas that are infected....sorry my brain is a little too full of this stuff right now and it vomits out every once in a while.

His Sinfulness said...


I do it because I think one should "know thine enemy." And don't kid yourself - these folks are definitely the enemy. They will fuck us to the wall in a heartbeat. Be prepared.

Herr Doktor,

Thanks for the details. I'm happy to say that my hygenist checked his balls very thoroughly before my last cleaning and flouride treatment...

Post a Comment