Tragedy Strikes Black Vatican

We interrupt our regularly scheduled persecution of The Hopeless Romantic to bring you this breaking news...

Black Vatican - The Black Pope's beloved black guitar has received its first ding. Vatican insiders tell us that a few days ago, the ladder that the Dark Pontiff uses to reach the top of his "Fortress of Solitude" fell over. Originally it was thought that the ladder had narrowly missed the Sable Primate's axe, but today during a routine cleaning and exorcism a small ding was discovered on the upper horn of the semi-hollowbody.

The damage is strictly cosmetic, and His Sinfulness reports that the guitar sounds as good as ever, calling its tone "metal as fuck." When asked if He intends to have the damage repaired, the Pontifex Niger replied, "Hell no - it looks tough. Levi is going to dig it."

Sources close to His Sinfulness, however, report that a bout of prolonged sobbing and ranting followed the discovery of the damage. "He was fuckin' pissed." claimed a papal aid. "I thought he was going to have an aneurism. At one point, he told us that he was going to excommunicate gravity."

An investigation is ongoing, but at this time a spokesman for the Black Vatican's forensics lab stated there are no signs of foul play.


Damn it's hard to take a close-up of a shiny black object...

(It had to happen eventually. Because the picture was taken using flash, it makes it look much worse than it is. It's actually pretty much invisible until you tilt it into the light just right. Actually, I'm kind of relieved that it happened. I can stop worrying about it now, and let it accumulate the nicks and scratches that are mute testimony to the hours I've put into it... because my playing is certainly no indication of how much I practice.)

2 comments:

La Petite Fleur (AKA Tessa) said...

why hasn't the AP picked this up yet? where can i send the funeral bouquet?

His Sinfulness said...

Well, that's the kind of cutting edge reporting people have come to expect from the Ministry!

The Black Vatican has asked that instead of flowers, mourners make a donation to the Black Pope's favorite charity, Silicone Meadows, the retirement home for adult entertainers - where "working girls" go for a well earned rest.

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