Life's Little Irritations

You know what pisses me off? I'll tell you...

Conservative crybabies piss me off. Quit your whining - your party was in power for many years, and THE PEOPLE chose to get rid of them. Get over it, and shut the fuck up! I'm looking at you, Hannity...

DRM pisses me off. Amazon, Electronic Arts, Sony - knock it off, all of you. You have ENOUGH money already, you greedy bastards. Plus, it's been proven that DRM actually INCREASES piracy. You guys have so consistently ignored this little detail that I feel compelled to add that "increases" means "makes it happen more" you fuckwits.

Rachel Ray pisses me off. It's olive oil, not "EVOO" you overpaid spokesmodel. I could make meals in 30 minutes too if I had three sous chefs and video editing. Also, I don't trust you - the fact that you hawk Duncan Donuts is proof positive that you're trying to kill America. Your face on my Wheat Thins box is enough - I don't need you on my TV as well. And "Yum-o" is not a word - I checked.

The folks over in Cheyenne who just caught the piggie sniffles piss me off. All you had to do was brush your teeth and use some Purell after making out with that pig handler, but NO! You had to go road-testing your immune system, and now you're going to give it to me, aren't you? Did Taye Diggs send you?

Speaking of Taye Diggs - he pisses me off too. He and Lenny Kravitz are ruining America. Support my statements, you say? WHY? Hannity doesn't. Beck Doesn't. Limbaugh pretends to, by consulting his army of conservative spinwonk morlocks - they also carry him to and from the microphone on a palanquin, Jabba-style, but I digress. When the Nazi Lizards from Space come to claim their rightful place as rulers of the city beneath DIA, Taye Diggs will be enjoying some of Rachel Ray's "entreetizers" made of mouse entrails with Rush and the Savage Wiener, while Lenny's band provides the soundtrack.

People who aren't in the know about this blog's MANY inside jokes also piss me off. The preceding paragraph is loaded with them, and I don't want any comments that say "but I like Taye Diggs..." or "who's the Savage Wiener?". Search the archives. Better yet, read them. It's not like your job is that exciting, you can spare the time. Besides, I'm a hit whore, and someone backing through the archives is like a weekend with the fleet in town.

The Chinese government's ban of Blogger pisses me off. I have a dear friend living in China now, and she can't post to her blog. She's not trying to foment rebellion - she just wants to post pictures of her new apartment, you paranoid freaks. Worse yet, she can't read MY BLOG! The Chinese government is costing me hits. According to the CIA, there are roughly 1,338,612,968 potential new members of the Flock in China. I'm warning you, Hu Jintao - get this shit sorted. Don't make me send my specially trained hacker BCPs over there to get all up in yo bidness...

There's more that is pissing me off, but right now, writing is pissing me off. I had like 6 other things that I wanted to rant about when I started this post, but now I can't remember them. Lack of short term memory pisses me off.

UPDATE!

I remembered a few other things I was pissed off about...

PowerPoint pisses me off. It’s the computer equivalent of construction paper and glitter. I do not need you to animate your slide presentation for Colon Awareness Week – a slow dissolve will not make me care any more about my polyps. And why are you so worried about the fiber in my diet? I eat my Triscuits - despite Rachel Ray being all over the box.

Movies are pissing me off. They’re making a new Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie – without Joss Whedon or Sarah Michelle Gellar. Michael Bay is killing off Arcee in the new Transformers movie. They’re finally putting the Green Lantern in a movie, but it’s not going to be about Hal Jordan. Iron Man is now Sherlock Holmes, Batman is John Connor, Scotty isn’t Scottish, Kirk looks like he's 12, and Spock has a friggin’ girlfriend!

Also - there were only two confirmed cases of the piggy sniffles in Wyoming yesterday. Today there are nine. STOP. LICKING. EACH OTHER!

8 comments:

Teh Dr. said...

I'm surprised. Usually there are a few more things than that pissing you off. Must be a good day.

His Sinfulness said...

You're right, Herr Doktor. Now that you mention it, I'm pissed off about not being more pissed off...

Anonymous said...

but i like taye diggs. rent is teh awesome!

Raksha said...

I'm going to work "conservative spinwonk morlocks" into everyday conversation or die trying, so help me.

Excellent rant! Since you seem to be running light on things to hate (well, for you, anyway) I'll suggest adding "birds" to the list. Because I get the night shift of making sure my grandmother doesn't paint the walls with poo again or wander off into the woods naked, I usually get to bed sometime shortly before 4 am. Luckily, the sky is still pretty dark, but lately the goddamn birds have been waking up just about then, congregating by the thousands on my windowsill, and screaming their fool heads off, making it extremely difficult if not impossible to fall asleep. Fuck off, birds!

Evey is delighted by this turn of events, however, and even if I do manage to fall asleep, there's still a chance she'll run up on my bed repeatedly and meow at me and dig at my covers until I wake up because she wants to show me the birds. It's sweet, but not at 4 am.

In other news: I came just from watching the new Torchwood: Children of Earth extended trailer. Not that this will interest you, since you're too good to geek out with me anymore. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS NERDY, WILL NO ONE GEEK OUT WITH ME ANYMORE?!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change my panties and watch that again.

Cerus said...

Speaking of China, I think this goes well with your rant. http://www.mg.co.za/zapiro/fullcartoon/2081
It is from a year, or so, ago, but somewhat related to the heavy handed censorship from the Chinese.

Ducky said...

Heh - Savage Wiener still cracks me up. But I liked Scotty...

mc said...

Sun Corp used to have a rule about presentations: no powerpoint. It was a good rule.
best
mc

His Sinfulness said...

Ok, that tears it. That Anonymous guy is excommunicated! Bring me my banning mitre...

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