Mrs. Potato Head

Like most grad students, we have a whiteboard on our office door. On it, we leave important notes like, "Office hours for Linus are cancelled today," or "Linus is in the computer lab - back at 12:30." Sometimes, we try to cheer each other up with little messages. I like to write, "Man is born free, yet everywhere he is chains. -Rousseau." (I know, that's not all that cheerful, but compared to much of Sociology, that's practically pollyannaish. Believe it or not, I'm the ray of sunshine amongst the grad students... )

Of late, however, the board has begun carrying some really odd messages...

"Linus,
You are the cats pajamas and the bees knees!
Love,
Mrs. Potato Head"

This missive appeared last Wednesday, I believe. We all pondered who wrote it, when, and why they used the diction of a hokey F. Scott Fitzgerald character. I was able to eliminate most of my close friends because of scheduling or distance from Black Vatican City. I decided to leave it up for a few days, even though my office mates immediately christened the writer a "stalker."

Yesterday, I arrived at the office and found the following:

"Linus,
You are the bubbles in my soda pop!
Love,
Mrs. Potato Head
p.s. Don't tell Mr. P Head..."

Lovely - now, not only do I have a stalker, she is also implicating me in alienation of affection and/or adultery. (In the interest of full disclosure, the boys down in legal tell me I have to clarify... While I admit to being a fornicator, I am not (currently) an adulterer. I am also frequently guilty of the "sin of Onan" and a few other random bits of sexual misconduct... but not adultery.)

I suppose you can't blame the poor girl. I mean, I am pretty much the total package; chubby, balding, sinful, full of fun facts about Thorstein Veblen and Auguste Comte, and up to my eyeballs in student loan debt. What girl could resist?

Assuming it really is a female. It could be - nay, it likely is - just one of my office mates fucking with me. And that's ok, really. This has been a tough semester already, and it's only going to get worse, so any levity on our floor is welcome. I won't get worried until Mrs. Potato head starts being really creepy. If there is a chicken nailed to our door, the next message is written in blood, or accompanied by a pair of (worn) panties, then I'll become concerned...

6 comments:

Mayren said...

aww at first i thought it was kinda cute and then your post sorta seems like you don't really welcome the new Missives.
c'est la vie.

(and of course your the total Package!)

fleur said...

Well, you know it wasn't me - "bee's knees" - who says things like that? What does that even mean?

Besides, I can be way creepier in person...
=)

p.s. Stop fishing - you know you're hot...

His Sinfulness said...

Mayren,

It is sort of cute... it's my office mates who are trying to convince me it's creepy. :)

His Sinfulness said...

fleur,

I'm not even sure if bees have knees.

As for your creepiness; you are not allowed to stalk me. In fact, I'm not sure you really can, seeing as how we have the same address and all...

Raksha said...

Well, the good news is I found out who your stalker is. The bad news is that I also found out why she's called "Mrs. Potato Head."

Yeah, good luck with that.

His Sinfulness said...

Good work, Raksha... I'm sure my nightmares will subside with time.

:/

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