The Year in Review

Here is the obligatory lame-ass review post of the year 2005.
(Weak, dude - you should just give in to your lameness and start a Live Journal...)

January
"Imagine you are Jesus Christ, and your second coming is planned for 2005. When, where, and how would you reveal yourself to the world?"

February
"Religious experience, in other terms, is concerned with a “Somewhat.” But this assertion often means no more than that this “Somewhat” is merely a vague “something”; and in order that man may be able to make more significant statements about this “Somewhat,” it must force itself upon him, must oppose itself to him as being Something Other."
-Gerardus "Please, call me Jerry" Van Der Leeuw

March
"I made a new family - the Ugolinos. There was dad (the Count), and four sons - the youngest being little Anselmo. I locked them in a single room, with only a tiny, high window, and bricked up the door. As planned, they slowly went mad and died of hunger... but to my disappointment, those who lived the longest never turned cannibal."

April
"I spend a lot of time alone with myself. Four hours every night. I think things. I sift out the inane and blog the rest. If I didn't sift, my blog would be the mental equivalent of a bareass Camel cigarette; you'd cough and choke on the first drag, and promise yourself that you'll quit."

May
"The facade is weak here. If I look hard at the edges of my vision I sometimes catch a glimpse of a stagehand. Sleep is when they do maintenance - they tidy up and patch holes to keep everything looking real. If you don't sleep, they can't work on it. So I say we all stay awake for as long as possible..."

June
"Ultimate Post Modern Cocktail...
Muddle crushed ice with oleander leaves in a tall glass. Add equal parts disillusionment, absinthe, and bile, poured through a Republican's linen handkerchief drenched in the tears of my generation. Serve with a jaunty umbrella, handmade in an Asian sweat shop."

July
"Many of you know my distaste for Rap. It's not that it's all bad, it's just that most of it is. However, I recognize that it is a powerful force in today's culture, and that it reaches millions of young people with its vitally important message of guns, bling, hos, hydraulic suspensions, and... the Dharma?"

August
"Why do we believe in forever? It's a bizarre concept really. Excluding the particles that we learned about in Physics class, NOTHING lasts forever. Yet we continue to talk about things like "best friends forever" and "true love always.""

September
"We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to bring you this breaking story...
The Hopeless Romantic, well known webcomic artist, penguin fighter, and noted metrosexual is, in fact, straight. Film at eleven."

October
""It's ok to cry."
"But I hate crying."
"Me too, but you have to let stuff out. It's like going to the bathroom - I don't really look forward to it, but I feel better afterwards."
"What the... are you saying that not crying is like emotional constipation!?"
"Yes - crying is just like pooping from your eyes.""

November
"This teaching cuts to the roots of what it means to "practice" a religion. It speaks to a radical shift in the practitioner's perception of the world, a turning away from old patterns and a dedication to a new way of seeing. When Alan Wallace says above, "right then" he is referring to a time that is also right now - every moment is an opportunity to practice."

December
"What they are talking about is not pride - it's relief. They are relieved that they are American, because being from somewhere lower on the ladder is crappy. In a sense they are saying, "I know that we are giving the rest of the world a raw deal, and I'm really glad I don't live there; better them than me.""

So there you have it - the standard mix of religion, academic ennui, and sarcasm that you have come to expect from me. I wish that I could boil down 2005 to some pithy nugget of wisdom, but I can't. I can't because there is no wisdom unique to 2005. It's the same wisdom year after year, and I fail to learn it, year after year.

I'd love to say that 2006 will be the year that I finally learn, but starting the year off with a big fib seems to set a bad precedent. It's likely that December 31st of 2006 will see me sitting right here at my mother's kitchen table, typing on these very keys, with just as little to say. I'd be surprised if I'm not just as pissed off at our government, just as baffled by fundies, just as unhappy with my body, just as tired, just as jaded, and just as unenlightened. To top it all off, I will almost certainly be bothered more by the fact that I have less hair.

Now for the good news. Some old Zen master once said, "a man can live comfortably, even in hell, if his life is organized" and he was right. Because I already know most of what's coming, I can be organized and ready to flex around the things that do change. Philosophers always point to the way trees bend in the wind rather than breaking, and hold this up as some ideal for man to strive for - but they seldom address the fact that the tree can't move to get out of the wind, and thus has no choice. Man almost always has three choices, bend, break, or get the fuck out. Whenever we decide to not exercise that third option, it's not about bending to avoid breaking; it's about bending because you chose to be here. The real message then is "since you must bend, do so gracefully and with a minimum of bitching."

So, here's to a graceful 2006. I'm sure I'll bitch plenty, but I'll try to at least make it funny bitching...

3 comments:

Clayton said...

ha ha my sexuality was top news this year!

Clayton said...

Linus, someone stole your shtick! They even use the word flock a post down
http://musescornerke.blogspot.com/

His Sinfulness said...

His schtick is slightly different - he is claiming to be the new pope of the Catholic church, while I am the first pope of a new religion. He did steal my template's look, though. I suppose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...
Just to be on the safe side, I excommunicated the lot of tthem.

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