Pimp My Ride

I mentioned a while back that some heathen had damaged the Popemobile. Insurance covered it, but it has taken this long to get it fixed. While it was in the shop, I also got the final paperwork for my papal license plates. I picked up both the car and the plates this morning.

Although I have many titles - Pontifex Niger, Dark Dali Lama, Sable Primate, Dark Lord of Free-balling, Ebon Cardinal, to name just a few - the one that has the greatest staying power is HSBP; "His Sinfulness the Black Pope." Since Wyoming only allows 4 letters on their personalized plates, it was a good fit. Of course, the state has no idea what it actually stands for - well, actually I gave them a very wrong idea so they would let it pass.

On the paperwork for the plates, it has a required space for what the 4-letter combo means. I pondered for a bit, and after ruling out "Hot Slutty Bald Pussy" and "Holy Shit - Blue Pez!", I came up with "High Speed BackPacker." Very ironic, that, because carrying my belongings into the wilderness on my back is nearly my definition of hell, and doing so at a high rate of speed would be the only thing worse.

This could be a dangerous move, I know, but I have made certain plans for the safety of the Popemobile. At all times, there is an honor guard of 6 BCPs in the trunk, awaiting deployment. They have been instructed to protect my vehicle and person at all times, and are specially trained in firearms, traffic offenses, and traffic offenses involving firearms...