Vegan BESM

My head hurts. Hunger headache. Rarely happens to me, actually. In days past, I could live comfortably off my blubber for months at a time. Now that I have shed my winter body, I am actually beginning to have something approaching a normal metabolism. I am leaving the days of being mistaken for a walrus behind me, although I can still hold my breath for a really long time while I dive for food. I will miss the tusks, though.

I am kicking the caffeine... again. I have wrestled the Mt. Dew monkey off my back more than once. I always stride away resolutely, just after tossing that last 20 ounce bottle into the recycling, but each time, it lures me back with its sweet promise to keep me awake regardless of what mindless drivel college throws at me. Lies. Lies, I say! There is not enough caffeine in the world to make Habermas interesting.

Made potato and kale enchiladas yesterday. Very tasty, but it seems wrong somehow to call them "enchiladas" as there is no cheese involved. Vegans always try to make cruelty-free versions of what they formerly enjoyed - it's like we're saying "I miss the tasty results of torture and death, and I would like to enjoy them without guilt. GO GO magic vegan cookbook!" And like some animal friendly Sailor Moon we wave our seitan wand at the wok and there appears a taste from our bloodier past. I need to just eat some things which taste like what they are.

I have determined that I am the second least photogenic person in the world (after Rachel). Just getting a decent headshot of me requires a digital manipulation effort similar to the making of "300." In the 70+ pics we took tonight, I look like a serial killer, a VERY gay man, the fat and less successful brother of Kiefer Sutherland, an artist's reconstruction of a blonde Neanderthal, or the winner of the 100 meter stumble at the Special Olympics. I am considering plastic surgery to remove my face.

Oh, you're still here? I'm sorry - how was your day?

8 comments:

Mayren said...

omg the bit about your pics is tragically funny. I miss that wit. Thank you for blogging HS.

Coriander said...

Yeah... about that I don't think I will be taking your picture anymore if you don't have a face. That is just creepy.

Raksha said...

I got a cute picture of Rachel once. Have hope! And I'd reconsider the no-face thing, babe. If the chav-tastic Billie Piper couldn't pull it off in that one episode of Doctor Who, I doubt it would be all that flattering on anyone.


Also, I kind of desperately want this Sailor Moon to come cook me yummy vegan food now. It would be so unbelievably surreal and totally hot all at the same time. Just what I need to cheer me up!

His Sinfulness said...

Sailor Moon cosplay - rawr!

Raksha said...

No, that's not cosplay actually. They have a live action Sailor Moon tv show in Japan. That's the actress from the show. Oh those wacky Japanese!


And speaking of funny and hot. (NOT WORK SAFE!) Yummy!

Raksha said...

And another one along those same lines (now with 100% more bondage!). Also not work safe.

His Sinfulness said...

Cupcakes and Futurama - the makings of a very good evening...
:)

becca said...

I have at least 3 good pictures of Rachel (from the past 26 years), so there is hope for you . . .

Post a Comment