Things seem to be going well for me of late. I'm doing well in school, I have enough money to live, I'm losing weight, I'm getting stronger, and I'm more physically fit than I've been in years.
And yet -
There is loss. I know it's inevitable and part of the process, but I think I'm allowed to acknowledge that it sucks. I'm not posting this in the hopes that any of it will change back, or to spark a revival of the old days - just to give these experiences their due. Expecially since no one talks about it around here...
Some of the tribe has moved away, both physically and emotionally, and I miss them all. A willing diaspora is good, I suppose; it speaks of dissemination and growth. It is, however, depressing for those who remain, and some impending departures and changes which are looming on the horizon make it more so. As I face three or four more semesters here in Laramie, I dread the quiet and the distance I see.
I am trying to see the lesson in all this, and I keep coming back to impermanence. Everything changes, everything passes away. There is nothing for it but to, as Mr. Bowie put it, "Turn and face the strain."
I'll do that, thanks. But at the moment my affections are spread all over the place, and I just feel old and a bit worn thin. This too shall pass, but not today. Not today.