Driving Dumb

I was once a state trooper. I used to issue citations every day. The vast majority were for speeding, but on occasion I would catch someone doing something truly idiotic and/or dangerous. Going the wrong way on a one-way street, changing lanes in an intersection, passing on the right on a one-lane road, and the like. Since those days, I have always wished that there was some way to identify these idiots on the roadway. Something like an automotive scarlet letter, that might shame these drivers into obedience. In those days, however, I was not the rebellious scofflaw that I have become, and thus the brilliant solution that I came up with this morning would not have occurred to me...

I suggest that we select a readily available color of paintball - let's say turquoise, for the sake of discussion - and keep pistols (Like the one below) loaded with said balls on the seat besides us. In this fashion, we can "tag" the idiots for later identification and avoidance. If you see a car with a splatter on it, steer clear - clearly they are an idiot. In fact, the number of tags could be used like a rap sheet. Two splatters; repeat idiot. Three or more splatters; habitual idiot.

Go! Arm yourselves, and mete out the Black Pope's justice!*

*Despite the fact that we think it's a damn funny idea, neither the author of the preceding post, his henchmen, lackeys, or hirelings, nor the International Offices of The Ministry of Linus, Inc., its subsidiaries, holdings, or other pending entities, in this or other countries, planets, or planes of existence, are responsible for any paintball related vigilantism. It's humor, folks - try to keep reality and your entertainment separate, 'kay?


Mayren said...

That idea is truly refreshing and hella funny. *hug* thanks for the post!
Now the problem is - What streets would be left to drive on if I'm keeping away from practically everyone in So.CAl?

Benjamin said...

So tempted to try... [twitching]


Lil' Tattooed Girl said...

I keep thinking more and more that there really should be some kind of retaliation against idiot driving like this. Seriously I can only handle so many attempted run downs in one day.[SIGH]If only paintballin' someones car wasn't vandalism.

The little blurb at the bottom was very clever - Hows that working out for you... you know being clever?

WNG said...

Completely off topic: Did you know that the head of the Society of Jesus is called the Black Pope? So, does this mean you're secretly running the Gesu or what?

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