Call for Essays

I am ill; I have a sore throat and a cough. I have given myself the week off from preaching, so there will be no Sunday Sermon, and I also had to leave my hollowbody at the shop in Fort Collins for some adjustments, so no power chords this weekend either. Good thing I don't have a job or classes to attend (sigh); sad little academic with no tests for which to study...

I know what you're thinking - you're wracking your brain, wondering, "How can I personally ease the Black Pope's suffering?"

In order to make me feel better, each of you should write something brilliant. If you have a blog, post. If not, start one, or write clever and amusing correspondence. While this assignment is purely optional, it will be graded and become a part of your Permanent Record. You may write on any topic, but I'll suggest a few...

"What I learned this semester." (Probably fairly brief, but worth a stab... a haiku will suffice for most of us.)

"An Analysis of Some of the Many Ways Taye Diggs sucks."

"Duck and Cover: How to Survive a Rock Vapor Incident."

"If Wishes Were Horses: Why Jayne Cobb is My Hero."

"Ten Reasons the Doctor Should Dump Rose and Take Me Instead."

"Pet the Kitty: How to NOT be the Worst. Boyfriend. Ever."

"Taming Your Inner Hate." (Maybe I'll write on that one...)

"Primate Circumcision: Does the World Really Need Jewish Monkeys?"

"Do Six Fingers Make it go to Eleven? How Nigel Tufnel Became Count Tyrone Rugen."

"Walker vs. Daywalker: Why Chuck Norris and Blade Should Fight to the Death for My Amusement."

"Gurney Halleck, the Punk Years."

"The Ark of the Covenant: Holy Icon or Tardis Engine?"

""Nice Shoes - Wanna' Fuck?": Favorite Pick-Up Lines and How to Use Them."

You get the picture - now amuse me. Dance monkey, dance!