Prepping for Valentine's Day

My apologies to Elizabeth Barret Browning...

To a Women's Studies Major

How do I love thee?
Let me count the politically correct, self-actualizing ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height of the phalocentric paradigm,
while encouraging you to shatter the oppressive patriarchal assumptions that created it.
I love thee with a deconstructed ardor
that resembles a non-threatening, passive acquaintance;
I love thee freely, but in a non-pejorative, sex-positive way;
I love thee purely, with a derridian abstraction that ignores our individual gender expressions.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
in the canon wars of the 80s, --- I love thee with all the gender
confusion, and devalued masculinity of all my life!
And, if God (or whatever deity suits your matriarchal cosmology) chooses,
I shall but love thee better after death
(not that I'm stalking you in any way…)


La Petite Fleur (AKA Tessa) said...

i laughed my ass off - next time you see me you are gonna be like "tessa where's your ass" and i'll have to say "i laughed it off" - and i am kinda disappointed that you aren't actually stalking me... nothing like a good stalker to get the year started... oh, wait my life is not a paradigm-reinforcing sit-com... nothing like theory to ruin the romance

Big Gay Jim said...

Nicely done.

Mark Travis said...

Right. So I'm gonna go and look up half of the terms used. But I'll assume that it is "Nicely done" until then.

Raksha said...

Fucking awesome! Seriously, best valentine's day thing EVER! You so smart! I'm serious. Notice the lack of sarcasm punctuation.

Mandy said...

You. Rock. Seriously.

Flynn said...

"roses are #FF0000
violets are #0000FF
all my base
are belong to you"

Eh? Eh?

His Sinfulness said...

Nice, Flynn. Very l33t.

Modig_Bjorn said...

Oh how I wish to aspire to such lofty levels of geekyness.

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