Sunday Sermon
Unseen Forces

As the semester draws to a close, many members of the Flock begin to feel the pressure of research papers, lab reports, and other assignments piling up. You begin to believe it will never be done... you'll fail the class, thus ruining your GPA and with it, any hope of getting into a decent grad school... you'll go on to some third-tier degree mill, get a meaningless PhD, and fifteen years from now you'll be unmarried, sharing a frozen dinner with your cats as you try to pay off your $110,000 worth of student loans by teaching Art History in some backwater liberal arts college in the Midwest!

The Ministry feels your pain. We realize that it's not always your fault - there may be other forces at work in your failures... Dark Forces.

Could it be that your research paper is not done because Foy-Verekod, The Bloody Hunter has placed a bounty upon your soul? Perhaps your hard drive has been possessed by Ka-Tidzawh, The Blind Forbidden Duke with a Thousand Young!

These demons and many others can be yours with the new
Evil Deity Generator! Why blame your poor time-managements skills, or even the demands placed upon you by family, friends, and your nearly non-existent love life for your poor academic performance? With the Evil Deity Generator you can craft beautiful, unverifiable metaphysical excuses for your Profs.

It wasn't the dog that ate your homework - it was eaten by Teexyaiclt, The Goat of the Final Universe!

You don't have to fabricate an ailment - call it a curse from Utzriel, The Depraved Maw of the Darkness with a Thousand Voices!

This collection includes old favorites like, Nooypug, The Bloody Consumer in the Unholy Gateway, Tnuxyaal, The King of the Depraved Vortex, and Muuxhitl, The Howling Forbidden Sultanna of the Underworld with a Thousand Children!

All kidding aside, we are all going to be under pressure the next few weeks. Be good to each other, and to yourselves. Budget your time wisely, get plenty of sleep, eat regularly, and try to take time out each day to just sit and breathe. These moments may seem miserable now, but one day we will look back fondly on them. We will long for the friends we had here, and even the hours spent in the library or the lab will seem golden. Hold the day close, and give each its full measure.

And remember; Taestiel, The Ravening Eye of the Woods is watching you...

Go in Peace.


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