Why the Silence?

An update, and an explanation...

-So, grad school continues. I have been refocusing my prospectus so that the project is qualitative and not quantitative in nature, and that is just about done. I need to get it to my chairman and get it defended quickly so I can start grinding out the actual thesis - I want to get on with it and finish this damn thing.

-Soon we will know where everyone is going for the next school year, and the stress of finding new housing will begin. I don't know if I'm going to be heading off to a PhD program, deferring for a year, or just looking for a job. In any event, it is unlikely that I will be living in Flock Hall. That's a bit sad - I've found that I enjoy the tribal nature of communal living. To put this in perspective, in the last 32 months Flock Hall 2.0 has housed 14 people. Out of the original crew, I am the sole remaining inmate. I guess my sentence is done - this summer I'll probably be paroled to independent housing.

-My radio spots have been going quite well. I need to post links to the most recent shows, since I've done some well-received rants of late. It feels good to say what you've been thinking and have others raise a fist and say, "hell yeah!" That's been happening a lot lately. It makes me think that I might not just be talking out my ass.

-I'm enjoying the kid's class I'm teaching at the MMA gym. They are so pleasantly full of life and excited about working out. It's a real change from the exhausted and stressed grad students I spend my days with. The kids are happy to be at the gym, happy to run and sweat and get out of breath without goals or trying to fit into a certain dress size, run a certain distance, or lift a certain weight. I should pay more attention to their attitudes.

-I'm really struggling with my body right now. I gained some weight back during the last half of the previous semester and during Christmas, and now it's a bitch to get rid of it. I am not exactly filled with energy, either, so getting in extra workouts is tough. It's cold outside, so I am hungry all the time - it sucks.

-I haven't been posting much lately. I could give you numerous reasons, but it all boils down to me just being depressed. It is the dead of winter, I am struggling with meeting all of my obligations (to my degree, my friends, my pets, myself...) and I am tired. Really, seriously tired. It goes beyond a physical exhaustion (I'm actually getting much more sleep than I normally do) to an emotional, spiritual sort of tired. I am soul sick, perhaps, like that described by the Psalmist. Of course, his remedy is of no help to me - you can't turn to a god you don't believe exists.

-So the above is why this blog has been so quiet of late. I assume (hope) that when this cursed month passes I will get more sun and get outdoors more and I'll feel better. Until then, I can't promise that I will post anything regularly except my radio rants.

3 comments:

Raksha said...

(((*HUGS*)))

Sorry you're having a hard time right now. You've just got to survive this last bit of grad school and you're home free!

Maybe the Unhappy Hipsters blog will cheer you up! Or maybe this NSFW pic of Nataliya Piro will help. She is hot like burning.

His Sinfulness said...

Nataliya Piro... Wow. Damn.



Wow.

fleur said...

Ah, February. The longest month of the year, no matter what the calendar says. Funny, I was just about to post an ode to February on my blog.

I am sad for your depression, but I can commiserate. It must be said - I f*cking hate this month! And Snowmageddon isn't helping!

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