Over on her blog, WNG has posted a link to a story about a pastor who lost his congregation by preaching that no one goes to hell. Naturally, I leapt to respond - my calling as an internet spiritual leader does have its responsibilities. Unfortunately, my pontificating quickly filled up WNG's comment box (please, no comments about filling WNG's box...) so I decided to turn it into an actual post.
When I was taking religion classes as an undergrad, they encouraged us to adopt a "religious studies persona." An alternate, completely neutral personality, through which we could examine religions other than our own, without the interference of our own beliefs and convictions. As you might guess, this was quite difficult, but with effort I was able to develop some detachment over the course of a few semesters worth of classes. Eventually I was able to read about the tenets and rituals of religions that I found at best, illogical, and at worst, outright harmful to the sanity of the practitioner, with a dispassionate eye. I took in the information and digested it without making value judgments on it, then stored it in neat packets in my head for easy retrieval during testing. Despite this concerted attempt to be neutral and even-handed in my treatment of all religious concepts, I was, and still am, baffled by anyone who believes in the concept of hell in the Christian faiths.
The position of the Abrahamic faiths on the existence of this fiery realm is not unique - many religions share this belief - but their insistence on it being an eternal condition is fairly uncommon. Most religions envision a way out for the transgressor after having served a certain period of time - I call it the "hockey paradigm." In these faiths, this place of punishment serves as a "penalty box" of sorts, giving those who have failed to behave properly in this life a chance to learn from their mistakes.
To the majority of Christians (that is, the primary denominations), however, this life is a one-shot proposition. You have only one lifetime in which to get this right, and failure leads to an eternity of torment. These folks hold to what I like to call the "skydiving" paradigm - "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
Now, consider for a moment the two paradigms. Which is more compassionate, hockey or skydiving? It seems clear to me that hockey is far more gentle than skydiving, as it allows a person to grow from their mistakes. Nevertheless, most Christians not only hold to the skydiving paradigm, but insist that their god is loving, benevolent, and compassionate. Throw in the idea that he is all-knowing as well, and you have a real logical dilemma. Observe:
If god is truly omniscient, then he must know where you will end up after death. He knows the good and bad choices you will make, and how your soul will be weighed when the end has come. In fact, he must know all of this before you are even born, in order for him to be truly omniscient. So, in my case, long before my grandparents were even born, god knew that I would come along and fail to believe. He knew that I would question, and find lacking, the Christian faith, thus ending up in an eternity of torture. w00t for me.
So the question becomes, why did he make me? If he knows that he is creating me just so I can live an all too brief life of confusion and suffering here on earth and then go to the fiery pit for eternity, why would he do that? If he were truly compassionate, why wouldn't he simply NOT create me, or anyone else who would fail to believe? 
This is just the tip of the iceberg here, but I'm sure you can see the problem. Belief in an eternal hell leads to some difficult rationalizations about god that most Christians aren't really prepared to make. The pastor referenced above who preached that there is no hell knew this to be true, and it cost him his congregation - and let's not beat around the bush here; what it really cost him was his livelihood. His church was a huge one (6000 members on a Sunday!) and his lifestyle was certainly a fairly plush one because of it. Some fundies might claim that he is being punished by god for heresy, but I think he should be applauded for refusing to kowtow to doctrine which he couldn't reconcile. He may only have a congregation of 300 now, but at least those 300 are hearing a message that has some kind of internal logical consistency.
I sincerely believe that the modern Christian concept of hell has been perpetuated as a means of social control. It is believed to be a deterrent to deviant behavior - but that is another topic, requiring me to remove my papal mitre and put on my, um... sociologist's sombrero. Maybe some other time, if you are interested...
...in a Handbasket
Black Vatican News...
For those of you who have not seen it, over on Flynn Unfiltered there is a preview of the new Black Vatican website! When I spoke with our digital bodhisattva last night, he told me that his plan is for the website to go live this week, with the podcast, the webstore, the forum, and the cover page for the new story arc going up simultaneously. It will be a busy few days around here.
Now would be an excellent time for you all to think up a clever screen name for the forum. The Sable Primate has been very clear on this - along with belief in something and tithing, forum membership is required of all the CyberFaithful. You don't want to risk excommunication for something as minor as this...
Now, for news of a more personal nature. Today is the first time I have ventured out of the house without allergy meds since the deadly dust began to fall from the trees around here in the first week of June. Because I find having my eyes swell shut and getting hives on the roof of my mouth disconcerting, I have been driving the air-conditioned Popemobile to work each day to protect myself, but today I jumped on the WOB and made my way to the office. Without the almost perpetual benadryl haze I have been in of late, the world is quite pretty right now. It's now possible for me to look at flowers without assuming that they are all trying to kill me.
Since we have relocated the Black Vatican, my ride in is even shorter than it used to be - it's now just under a half mile from our front door to the door of my office. It hardly counts as a ride, but the feeling of putting your legs to work as soon as you leave the house is nice, and it is just slightly uphill. When the world is covered with ice and snow (could happen anytime around here) that half-mile will be quite long enough.
My elbow is healing nicely, thanks to the care of my personal BCP Nurse (shown at left), so please redirect your medicinal energies toward our own Mist1, who is suffering from a bad infestation of ear cooties. I have instructed the BCPs to anoint each other with fragrant oils, chant, light candles, and dance nude before the altar in her name. (It may not help Mist at all, but it has done wonders for morale around here...)
Upset!
-Black Vatican City, July 16
In a stunning upset, the Ball Dodgers (AKA "Rules Nazis"), won their first game this evening. Their opponents, the aptly named "Sitting Ducks" were 2-2 coming into the match, and seemingly had no idea what was in store for them. Playing without their manager/coach Troy Scott, and anchor dodger, Maggie Scott, it looked like the 0-4 Dodgers would have a rough time of it, but clutch performances from interim captain Britt "the Squid" Standage and Brendon "Vanilla Fresh" Orr, along with a great walk-on performance from newly acquired free agent "Big Gay" Jim Osborn, helped the underdogs squeak out a victory against the stunned Ducks.
The Dodgers took a more defensive strategy, following the lead of injured thrower, Linus "the Gimp" Furious. "We just started working the back line, and let them throw themselves out" said Furious after the game, with his destroyed elbow in a bucket of ice and Coronas with lime. This defensive strategy paid off, as all of the Dodgers had catches, a first in team history.
The Dodgers have a well-timed bye next week, hopefully allowing them to field a healthy team as they square off against Cinci D's on July 30th. Cinci D's is heavily favored to win.
Awards
In the interest of giving credit where credit is due (and to help bury that abortion of a comic) I am pleased to say that I have been named an "Awesome Guy Blogger" by none other than our #1 Fangirl, Mayren!
(Just as soon as Flynn tinkers with this to make it look a little more, um... "Ministerial" I'll display it prominently on my sidebar.)
I have been informed that this award has a tradition of sharing the love, and so I am to nominate my favorite blogs in the same way. After a painstaking selection process that involved several amaretto sours, a couple songs on Guitar Hero, and a visit with my friend Hope (hey - it had been a long day), I narrowed it down to just two. 
My first nominee is a relative newcomer to my blog role, but she has written some of my favorite blog posts of late. She is incredibly honest in her posts - and that is SO sexy! Plus, her blog template is black like mine, so naturally it rocks. Everybody go and congratulate WNG!
For my second award, I went way old school. Without this person and her blog(s) there would be no Ministry, no Black Pope, no Black Vatican, and worst of all - NO BCPs - and no one wants to live in a world without sword-slinging cybernetic chicks who dig chicks! I am referring, of course, to the trusted right hand of His Sinfulness, Locutus of Blog, AKA Nerdygirl the Unbeliever!
This meeting of the Mutual Appreciation and Back Patting Society is hereby called to a close. Please feel free to congratulate the two ladies on their blogs. They deserve the traffic, and besides, we all know that the comments here are reserved for discussions of Harry Potter's wang...
Something New
A recent conversation at the Black Vatican...
HSBP: Oh come on! How hard could it be? The computer does most of the work for you anyway!
Flynn: Right... and your part is soooo hard - steal a few jokes from Apple Geeks and Penny Arcade...
So, we decided to shake things up a bit, try some role reversal. Flynn wrote the script and I drew it. 
Click to Enlarge
We're very sorry. Won't happen again. (But I do think I captured Flynn's hair pretty well.)
New Babies
Over on the Flock Hall 2.0 blog, I asked everyone to introduce themselves - and they have, for the most part. The human and nonhuman members of the family that we had when we signed the lease have been introduced - but we have recently acquired a new member, and we are going to get another in the near future...
Much like she was taken in and adopted herself, Squid has adopted a pygmy hedgehog. He came with the name "Kitsch" but I think Squidly has other names in mind. I'm sure she will do an intro post for him on Flock Hall 2.0 very soon (hint hint).
I am also getting another baby - a Greater Vasa parrot hen - toward the end of July, assuming the landlord doesn't object (he better not object; I'm having some plumbing and carpentry improvements done to the house out of my own pocket!). Because they are somewhat rare as pets, I've posted these pics of Vasas so you can get an idea of what they look like:
She was born on April 20th (hee hee; 4-20) and she is just about weaned now. As soon as she arrives and gets settled into her new home, I'll take some pics of her and post them.
Someday, We'll Get Fired for This...
The following is a transcript of an actual IM conversation Flynn and I had. We were both at work at the time.
Reverend: So I was talking to Nerdygirl yesterday on the phone, and we got into a discussion of how the comic is like a child that you and I are trying to raise together.
I think I'm the permissive parent.
Flynn: Oh?
Reverend: Yeah - you're the over-protective parent.
Flynn: ... how am I the over-protective one?
Reverend: You won't let the comic stay out late... You won't let it go to other blogs... You're the hardass.
Flynn: At best, the comic is being raised in a beer-swilling, aristocratic air of negligence...
Reverend: I prefer the term, "benign neglect."
Flynn: Besides, you don't know where the other blogs have been... they could have something.
Reverend: (Neurotic much?) The comic is young - it's immune system is completely healthy
Flynn: Yeah, you just wait until ilikedrugs.blogspot.com gets it hooked on meth or something!
Besides, I am sooo not the overbearing one...
Reverend: I might be overbearing, but I want our little comic to get out there and see the world.
Flynn: Oh great - travel Europe and leave freaky comments with hot Italian blogs...
Reverend: If that's what the comic wants to do, then yes. I want the comic to grow up to be its own person.
Self-actualized;
Empowered;
Full of lust for life!
Why are you stifling our baby?
You don't have to be your parents, you know. I certainly don't want to be my mother...
Flynn: I'm not worried about being my parents, I just want our comic to have a good foundation, to grow up strong, knowing right from wrong.
Or at least grey from wrong.
Okay... at least how to not get caught.
Reverend: So do I...
I'm so glad we had this little chat, Ma.
Flynn: Oh hell no - you're "Ma."
Reverend: No way. I squirt the seed into your head... it gestates in you. Then you birth it on the tablet.
Flynn: Eew
Reverend: ha ha... Flynn has a womb...
Flynn: ... not cool
Reverend: Nope, not cool at all; it has to be warm and moist for the eggs to grow...
Flynn: Ass.
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