Finish Strong

In the final minutes of a closely fought match, the Ball Dodgers edged out the team from Cinci D's to claim their second victory in the final game of what has been a rough first season for them. The return of Troy and Maggie Scott helped offset the absence of certain clutch performers from two weeks ago like Tara "Indian Princess" Kassik, Brendon "Vanilla Fresh" Orr and Britt "Sqee Piddly" Standage.

The team is now entering a building phase, with high hopes for next year. Weekly throwing practice will begin at Flock Hall next week.

Upset!

-Black Vatican City, July 16
In a stunning upset, the Ball Dodgers (AKA "Rules Nazis"), won their first game this evening. Their opponents, the aptly named "Sitting Ducks" were 2-2 coming into the match, and seemingly had no idea what was in store for them. Playing without their manager/coach Troy Scott, and anchor dodger, Maggie Scott, it looked like the 0-4 Dodgers would have a rough time of it, but clutch performances from interim captain Britt "the Squid" Standage and Brendon "Vanilla Fresh" Orr, along with a great walk-on performance from newly acquired free agent "Big Gay" Jim Osborn, helped the underdogs squeak out a victory against the stunned Ducks.

The Dodgers took a more defensive strategy, following the lead of injured thrower, Linus "the Gimp" Furious. "We just started working the back line, and let them throw themselves out" said Furious after the game, with his destroyed elbow in a bucket of ice and Coronas with lime. This defensive strategy paid off, as all of the Dodgers had catches, a first in team history.

The Dodgers have a well-timed bye next week, hopefully allowing them to field a healthy team as they square off against Cinci D's on July 30th. Cinci D's is heavily favored to win.

Victory - of a sort...

After two very carefully edited emails, the DC has acquiesced and our dodgeball league will be adhering to a slightly modified version of the NADA (National Amateur Dodgeball Association) rules.

Because of my adamance, there has been a suggestion that we change the name of our team from the "Ball Dodgers" (with all the queer jokes that implies) to the "Rules Nazis." We jokingly discussed black t-shirts with the name silk-screened in the Waffen SS font (for those of you who aren't WWII historians, a tastless example can be found here). Flynn, our resident Jew, would likely have problems with that design...

While I'm pleased to claim this victory on behalf of rules lawyers everywhere, it is somewhat bittersweet. She already hates our team, and now it's almost certain that she will seek retribution of some sort - possibly by voodoo. She may have already started...

Last week at dodgeball I hurt my elbow by throwing too hard - nothing serious, just a little strain. I let it rest until Friday afternoon, when I was scheduled to play handball with Vanilla Fresh, Squid, Flynn, Troy, and Maggie. I got about 5 or 6 rallies into the first game, and my elbow began to throb. By the time our scores were in the low teens, I was holding up my right forearm with my left hand between serves. Once the game ended, I said my goodbyes and headed home.

I have had broken bones and fairly severe joint injuries before, and I can honestly say that this was one of the most acute owies I have ever had. When I reached my car to drive home I was nauseous from the pain, and I nearly fainted coming up the steps into the house. G-Fresh hooked me up with her cryocuff and 8 Ibuprofen but the cold actually seemed to make it worse. After about 20 minutes of that I was seriously contemplating going to the emergency room - the pain originated in my elbow but it was shooting up the front of my bicep and into my shoulder joint. I figured that I had tweaked my elbow enough to pinch a major nerve in there, and I was just about ready for some serious pain meds. I decided to give the vitamin i a little more time to work, and I switched from the cryocuff to a heat wrap instead. In just a few minutes the pain began to subside and eventually I drifted off to sleep for about 2 hours.

When G-Fresh woke me, I was amazed to find that the pain was almost completely gone. I'm puzzled how something could hurt that badly and then be fine just a few hours later. My elbow is slightly swollen, but it's only painful if I try to pick up something heavy - in normal use it's fine.

It was while we were at the handball courts that the DC sent out her email, accepting my interpretation of the rules. Coincidence? I think not. I can only surmise that the she is actually a voodoo priestess, and she has a little Black Pope doll with a bunch of pins in its right elbow.

I need counter-magic - STAT.

Dodgeball Update

I went to the game with a positive attitude. I didn't even look at the DC, much less speak to her. Unfortunately, my teammates all caught my bad attitude from last week...

Flynn, Vanilla Fresh, and even Squid were all pretty vocal about her shittiness - enough that she took our team captain aside and had a chat with him. Apparently, our team is "mouthy" but she is "willing to work with us."

If it's mouthy to expect the DC to adhere to the "official" rules as distributed by the league, then I'm guilty as charged. I am currently drafting an email to the DC which goes over, point by point, the various rules she is ignoring. If we don't get some kind of clarification, I plan to take this issue up with her bosses at the Rec Center. Hell hath no fury like a rules lawyer scorned. I'll keep you posted...

Also - doing a Google image search for "dodgeball" turns up some disturbing pics.

Sunday Sermon

Rules Lawyering

Several times recently, I have been accused of being a "rules lawyer." For those of you who are not RPGers, a rules lawyer is a player who memorizes every tiny rule and debates with the ref and/or other players over the correct interpretation of them. It's sometimes used interchangeably with the terms "munchkin" and "powergamer" (players who try to work the game system to their benefit).

Now, before you all decide that I'm unpleasant to play a game with, let me assure you, I'm no munchkin. I've been known to play the lamest imaginable characters, and play them just for the excitement of trying to survive. I frequently argue rules to my own detriment. It's not that I want to win, but rather, IF I win, I want it to be a clean win, accomplished completely within the rules.

To clarify further, let me say that I don't force everyone to play strictly by the rules as they are written - house rules are fine. I do, however, insist that the house rules be; 1) clearly explained beforehand, and 2) applied evenly to everyone. It would also be nice if they didn't change from game to game, or at least not without meeting 1 and 2 above, and giving some explanation as to why they are changing. Provided the person running the game does those things, I can play any game quite happily, regardless of winning or losing. However, when the person running the game changes rules arbitrarily, or demonstrates that they are more concerned with aggrandizing their ego than creating a good gaming experience, I am the first person to get pissed off. I am not the type to be pissed off quietly.

Which brings me to my rant for today...

I play dodgeball in the local recreation center's adult coed league. I believe it's designed to allow one to exercise and exorcise. The game works up a good sweat if you put some effort into it, and the demons of playground bullies past are conjured almost immediately when you step on the court. The balls are softer today, and there is so much less at stake that it's easy to put your childhood traumas behind you. For example, you can stink up the court, getting eliminated early in every game, and no one will shun you at the lunch table later...



At least, it should be that. Unfortunately, the Dumb Cunt (I think her official title is "League Supervisor" but "Dumb Cunt" really sums it up better) who runs the game is ruining that for all of us.

We are supposed to play on our honor - calling ourselves out when we are hit. To facilitate that, the league sent out the "official rules" by email to all of us. Perhaps it is too much for me to assume that everyone would read those rules, but I think that at least the DC (I'm planning on telling her that DC stands for "Dodgeball Coordinator") would have done so. Instead, we have played by different rules every week - some of them diametrically opposed to the written rules, and almost all of them are different from the rules we learned as children. Worse yet, there is a clause in the printed rules that says that only team captains can approach the DC for rules clarifications.

Examples:
-Remember the "twofer" rule from the playground? You know - you throw the ball and it bounces off of one opponent and it hits another before hitting the ground; both are out, right? Not when the DC is in charge.

-Remember the "save" rule? When the ball bounces off you and one of your teammates catches it before it hits the ground; you're not out, right? Nope - DC overruled this as well.

-Remember how hitting someone in the head put you out, not them? DC ruled that no one is out, and you just have to be more careful next time...

All of the examples above are covered explicitly in the rules - this is not a question of interpretation. Even more irritating than this, however, is her way of "officiating" the game. Last week, she told us that the "save" rule no longer applied. Of course, a few minutes later, a guy on the other team caught a ball off of one of his teammates, and they all celebrated the save. I pointed out to them that the DC had changed that rule, and they disagreed. When we asked her if the man hit was out or not she replied, "I don't know, I wasn't watching." My rage at this kind of incompetence knows no bounds - she is, presumably, getting paid to do this. The least she could do is watch the fucking game.

In short, aside from showing up with the balls every week, she has failed in the basic tasks of being the "league supervisor" but she has succeeded incredibly well at being the DC.

For this week's game, I have a new strategy. I am going to play by the printed rules, even if no one else does. I will take my hits by the rules, and not worry about those around me. If she calls me out at some point, I will ask my team captain to ask her to show him exactly what rule she is applying, so he can show it to me, so I can play the game properly...