16kg of Badass

I know my way around a weight room. I know all the basic moves with free weights, and I have been coached enough over the years that I have a very good grasp of what proper form looks like. At one time, I was one of those guys you see in the gym spotting each other, covered in chalk, clapping and yelling "You're looking huge man! Push it! No time for pussin' out now - two more!" (Yeah, I know - everyone hates those guys. I got better eventually...)

So, I don't fear the weights. I roughly know what I can lift in any given exercise, and I know that for most basic exercises 35 pounds is not that much for me.

That was until I met the 16kg kettlebell.

I did my first kettlebell workout today. It was a routine I found on the net - 20 minutes worth of one-armed swings, cleans, jerks, presses, and snatches, all done in a rhythmic way intended to increase core strength and burn fat.

There's no way to put a tough guy spin on this - it kicked my ass. Worse than any of the running I've done lately; worse than any game of handball, or any badminton match. When it was over, my arms were rubbery, and my hands shook for 10 minutes from the exertion. My arms were so burned out and floppy that when I tried to wipe the sweat from my brow, I poked myself in the eye with my thumb. Even now, several hours later, I feel like a wrung out dishrag and I'm having a hard time making my fingers hit the right keys.

The difference is the way the kettlebell is designed and used. The handle is not set in the middle of the weight (like a barbell) so it allows you to swing the kettlebell through an arc and greatly multiply its resistance. This "dynamic loading" allows you to get a lot of benefit from a relatively small amount of weight, and lessens the chance of injury that heavier lifting incurs.

It's easier to see it than to explain it - YouTube to the rescue. I selected this video from the almost 4000 entries you get when you type "kettlebells" into the YouTube search window because it is short, yet gives you a good idea of what the exercises are like.

So, I'll be adding kettlebell to my weekly workout schedule. I'm shooting for 3-4 times per week, but I need to see how sore I am tomorrow; it may take more than one day of rest to recover from this...

Tennis

Yeah, if only it looked like that when we play...

Flynn and I hit the tennis courts this past weekend, and I assure you there were no 200+mph serves or diving forehands. Thankfully, we both left our skin-tight bodysuits at home as well (nobody wants to see that).

As I recall it, I was 10 the last time I set foot on a tennis court, and I got destroyed by a girl in straight sets. This weekend was like a 33 year trip back in time...

The girl in question, Maggie (of Magball fame), is a bonafide tennis player from way back, and she was very kind to us. She was understanding of our lack of control, and she patiently hit gentle forehands to us for about 90 minutes. She is actually attending a tennis clinic this week - I hope she meets some nice people to play with so she doesn't have to suffer all summer with just us as opponents.

Turns out that successfully playing badminton, squash, and racquetball has absolutely nothing to do with playing tennis. My first attempt at a proper forehand went over the 12 foot fence behind my opponent, and my first backhand ended up on the court to our left (the father and daughter playing there were very nice about kicking our balls back to us...). Flynn was nearly as pathetic, and overall we stunk up the place.

It's kind of odd for me - I am not the fittest person in the world, but I am almost unnaturally coordinated. I acquired skills like juggling and riding a unicycle very rapidly, and most racquet sports come to me quite easily, but tennis makes me look like I suffer from some sort of spastic nerve disorder. Naturally, I won't allow my dismal lack of demonstrated aptitude for this game deter me - after all, if you let one (or many) bad experience(s) stop you from trying something again you'd have to give up and be celibate. Am I right, ladies?

No, I will keep on playing once a week for the summer if I can find patient opponents who will tolerate my flailing. Regardless of how badly I play, it is still an opportunity to absorb vitamin D, a nutrient that we residents of Black Vatican City (the Siberia of the Americas) are known to lack. It is also an opportunity for the ladies of the Flock to wear tennis dresses. Just putting that out there.

For the Good Doktor...

...who asked what size kettlebell he should buy. As always, YouTube has the answer!

Sounds like maybe a 20 or 24 kilo kettlebell would be the ticket to start with.

Jealousy...

When I was a kid, if we wanted to role play a sci-fi villain, we had to make a helmet out of a cardboard box...


Now, all that is needed by the young Who-head (my brother-in-law, the biggest Dr. Who nerd I know tells me the proper term is "Whovian") is this nifty Dalek Voice Changer Helmet.





If you wish to play a more versatile villain (or just one who can use stairs successfully) perhaps the Cyberman Voice Changer Helmet is more your speed.




Both of these fine products are sold by Voga, but only if you live across the pond - no overseas shipping.

They will, however, ship you a Tardis of your very own.
This one is actually a 4-port USB hub.

Kids are so spoiled these days...