There are some things you should never say to a fat person. 
For example, when the fat person mentions that they won't eat what you are offering them because they are trying to lose weight, you shouldn't say, "Oh, you're not fat!" I realize that some people have an unrealistic view of their bodies, but I am clearly not a bulimic. Do not blow smoke up my kilt about how I "carry it well" or how I'm "stocky." I am not just "solid," nor am I "husky." I don't need anyone to pat me on the back and tell me it's ok to be fat. It's not ok, it's unhealthy, and pretending otherwise is bullshit. It's not ok to shoot heroine and no one would tell an addict otherwise, but people lie to the fat on a daily basis. We tell smokers constantly that cigarettes are killing them, but we tell fat people it's ok to be "big and beautiful." I've been irritated by this behavior for several years now - soon I will tear someone's arm off and beat them with the wet end for it.
I know that there are different body types and I don't think everyone should be a swimsuit model, but being fat is unhealthy, period. It is shortening my life as we speak. By not doing anything about it for all these years, I may have fucked myself and my loved ones out of time we could have spent together. I may have set myself up for a heart attack or diabetes or high blood pressure or joint problems or any number of other issues by allowing myself to get fat and stay that way.
I'm not advocating a country-wide wave of fat bashing, but it would be nice to see some honesty. When the fat person in your life shows a little initiative and tries to make good decisions, don't lie to them - support them the same way you would support a friend who is trying to quit smoking or dry out. It's the best thing for their health, and it's safer for you - because I'm going to fucking END the next person who tries to tell me that I'm just "big-boned."
A Big Fat Lie
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6 comments:
I gotta admit it--I've been guilty of this. I'm just glad that Linus grabbed my right arm and not my left, or this would be taking much longer to type...
I realized at one point that while I was trying to help by reaffirming the fact that I thought you were alright just the way you were, the problem with that was that was the way I felt and well, it's not my body. I'm glad you wrote this post because it shows the difference between "helping" (another word for control) and "supporting" (being with someone where they are without inputing our opinion).
My only caveat would be to ask what is it that we can say / do to help support you in this?
read an article recently where scientists determined that people often ostracize fat people because, on an evolutionary-sociological level, they are to be abhorred by our instincts.
But don't worry, you are loved just the same.
Comments to the effect of "you look like you have lost weight" are always appreciated, but only if they are in earnest. Compliments that are based more on form than real observation are pretty irritating.
I think the best policy is to say nothing unless the fat person brings it up - and even then, something like "looks like it's working" is better than "you look great!" when the person has lost a few pounds but clearly has many more to go. Like I indicated in the post, honesty would be best for me.
WNG,
Thanks!
As for helping, you can just continue to tell the "truth" over on your blog. Your blog and the rest of my reading list helps keep me from kicking people in the shins... :)
My restraining orders won't let me get close enough to kick the people who really deserve it anymore... :(
I know a judge who could get the order lifted??
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