Let the Torment Begin

As many of you already know, I've lost 50 pounds. That may sound like an accomplishment of sorts, but it's not so much when you start with over a hundred to lose.

If you Google "height and weight chart", the very first hit takes you to a nifty little chart that shows an expected "healthy" weight for a given height (I know that these things are not very accurate and everyone is different, but it's a starting point). I consulted the column for "large frame", because I'm not fat, I just have big bones... made of depleted uranium. If I cheat on my height by a 1/4" and call it 5'11", it says I should weigh between 161 and 184.

To be honest, I don't believe that the lower end of that range applies to me - I don't think that I EVER weighed 161 pounds. I'm pretty sure that when I burst forth from my mother's chest and scuttled into the airducts I weighed at least 175. For the sake of discussion, however, I'll work with those numbers. That means that at my heaviest, I needed to lose between 159 and 136 pounds.

Disgusting. And also not realistic. I will likely never see 180 again, but I do think 220 or 200 is doable. That is why I have issued a papal bull declaring this to be:

THE SUMMER OF FITNESS!

I have this grand plan, you see. When my Stats class ends next Thursday, I will have no commitments each day prior to 2pm, for the remainder of the summer. That's from 6/27/08 until 8/25/08; approximately 8 weeks, or exactly 59 days. While I could spend all of those days sleeping in, surfing for pr0n, and beating Mass Effect, I have something else in mind.

I want to see exactly how much I can accomplish in that time. I have goals for weight loss, of course, but also for meditation, running, badminton, kettlebells, handball, squash, and tennis. Those goals vary greatly - from "Run a 10K" to "Stop Sucking" (that one is for tennis). I plan to put together a workout plan that requires me to be up and at it from 9:00 to at least noon every weekday, and then we have our usual schedule of court sports after 5pm each day. I'm also allowing time in there to work on training my birds as well, probably about 30 minutes a day. I am working on charts and graphs to track my progress - weight, heart rate, body measurements, distance, duration, etc. Since I'm a complete internet whore, it will all be posted on my 100 Pounds blog for you to jeer at (hey, any hits are good hits...)

If you are one of the damned who live in Black Vatican City and would like to join me (or just point and laugh) let me know - misery loves company.

(Formal Grecian attire is optional...)

A Big Fat Lie

There are some things you should never say to a fat person.

For example, when the fat person mentions that they won't eat what you are offering them because they are trying to lose weight, you shouldn't say, "Oh, you're not fat!" I realize that some people have an unrealistic view of their bodies, but I am clearly not a bulimic. Do not blow smoke up my kilt about how I "carry it well" or how I'm "stocky." I am not just "solid," nor am I "husky." I don't need anyone to pat me on the back and tell me it's ok to be fat. It's not ok, it's unhealthy, and pretending otherwise is bullshit. It's not ok to shoot heroine and no one would tell an addict otherwise, but people lie to the fat on a daily basis. We tell smokers constantly that cigarettes are killing them, but we tell fat people it's ok to be "big and beautiful." I've been irritated by this behavior for several years now - soon I will tear someone's arm off and beat them with the wet end for it.

I know that there are different body types and I don't think everyone should be a swimsuit model, but being fat is unhealthy, period. It is shortening my life as we speak. By not doing anything about it for all these years, I may have fucked myself and my loved ones out of time we could have spent together. I may have set myself up for a heart attack or diabetes or high blood pressure or joint problems or any number of other issues by allowing myself to get fat and stay that way.

I'm not advocating a country-wide wave of fat bashing, but it would be nice to see some honesty. When the fat person in your life shows a little initiative and tries to make good decisions, don't lie to them - support them the same way you would support a friend who is trying to quit smoking or dry out. It's the best thing for their health, and it's safer for you - because I'm going to fucking END the next person who tries to tell me that I'm just "big-boned."

Control Freak

I have a tendency to be a bit bossy at times. One does not become the Pope of one's own religion without a bit of pushiness. I will even go so far as to freely admit that I am a bit of a control freak.

There is one arena, however, in which I have almost no control - and that is food. I have always had a big appetite; my mother tells of beginning to add baby cereal to my bottle when I was just a few weeks old so that I would stop crying for food every 90 minutes. Being an athlete in school only made it larger, and once I stopped being so physical on a daily basis, it never really went back down. Sure, I'm a vegetarian so I have some control where meat is concerned, but denying myself meat seems to give me carte blanche to eat a lot of other stuff in unhealthy quantities.

Over my adult years I've ranged from extremely fit to very heavy. At the moment, I fall more into the category of "stocky." My build has also been called "husky," "sturdy," "solid," and "imposing." I have no illusions; those are all nice ways to say "fat."

I have decided that it is time to take control of this. Naturally, that means I have started a blog about it...

It's called 100 Pounds and it's more for me than for you all. It's already got a few posts on it. I don't really want advice, or suggestions, or applause, or encouragement; I just want witnesses. It's actually just my way of blackmailing myself into sticking with the plan. Thanks in advance for your scrutiny.