Black Vatican Bedtime Stories

Flynn and I, chatting about a fairytale development in the comments found here.

Flynn:
hmm... in the "land O' G"
thanks for not going a different route with that

HSBP:
You're welcome - it could have been ugly.
I thought about "Flynn and the Three Bears", involving you and three big hairy queers in a cottage in the woods...

Flynn:
eep. yeah, not cool

HSBP:
No worries man - your porridge fantasies are safe with me...

Flynn:
eww

HSBP:
"Baby Bear's was just right..."

Flynn:
you're a deeply troubled man...

HSBP:
Right - try to tell me you didn't think of that.

Flynn:
well, I did, but I'm blaming you...

Questions of Faith, Part XII

For this 12th edition in the Questions of Fatih series, Flynn brings us a newer faith, the path of Googlism.

12 questions, eh? Okay, I feel like being snarky...

1) What faith do you espouse?
Googlism

2) Who was the founder of your faith? When did he/she live?
Sergey Brin and Larry Page (They are alive today.)

3) What are the sacred texts of your faith?
What, you want a copy? Okay, click here.


4) What is the central teaching of your faith?
We reject supernatural gods on the notion they are not scientifically provable. Thus, Googlists believe Google should rightfully be given the title of "God", as She exhibits a great many of the characteristics traditionally associated with such Deities in a scientifically provable manner.

5) How does your faith define sin? What are the major sins, and how is one absolved?
MSN Desktop Search... and the uninstall button.

6) Roughly how many adherents does your faith have?
584. We like statistics.

7) What does your faith teach about the afterlife? Is there heaven, and how do you get there?
The afterlife is the sea of electrons that will, through faithful uploading and blogging, carry our thoughts and personalities - our essence - through the world forever in the holy cache.

8) What are the practices of your faith? (Daily, weekly, etc.)
Google is timeless, and our temples are found everywhere the warm glow of a computer screen can be seen...


9) How is your faith organized? Are there priests and bishops and
archbishops (oh my!)?
There are administrators, who divine the information of the server directly. Then there are Beta Testers, who carefully transverse the scriptures and procedures of church. Finally we have users, those with google accounts, who heed the word- even if they are unaware of the divine nature of that with they surround surround themselves.

10) Are there regular services available to you locally? If so, where?
Yes. Now, later, whenever. Google is a laxidasical God.

11) How did you come to be a believer?
Gmail.

12) What do you wish others knew about your faith?
The many benefits of active patronage:
Google Labs and Google Options

So, now that I'm done being an ass, I'll reply more seriously soon.

Random Bits

- At 14:53hrs, Black Vatican Standard time yesterday, I received confirmation that Flynn arrived safely in the Republic of Bush (Texas). The text message read:

"Uwdate: i r drunj and in tewas"

I guess he's having a good time...

- Sharp readers of this blog will recall that we had a theme song contest recently. Sharper readers will note that we forgot to announce the winner...

Our own beloved alter boi, Britt the Squid was the winner with her entry of "Born Secular" by Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins. I think what put this song over the top was the following lyrics:

It's the law of the land
That sometimes the dam just breaks.
God works in mysterious ways.
And god gives and then he takes.
From me.

We'll post a picture of her receiving her signed Black Vatican art as soon as Flynn gets back from Drunksburg, TX...

- Finally, I'll leave you with a remembrance of Flock Hall that I recently shared with Deacon Mark. It's about a younger, happier time, when we all lived together on the top floor of a house in the ghetto, down by the tracks, next to the overpass...

Reverend: Hey Mark - remember when we used to go exploring the buildings downtown?
Mark: Oh yes, the skulking...
[Cue Sax Solo]
Reverend: It was in an abandoned building in a town that time forgot... it was summer in a place that's a stranger to heat...
Mark: where the women ran free, and the squirrels would try to bum a smoke. It was hard times.... it was good times...
[sage brush rolls past]
Reverend: ...and we were all young. We climbed to the top of the highest building in town, got onto the roof, and wished there was more to see.
Mark: That night, we were all going to order sushi and not pay... until SHE walked into the joint...
Reverend: She had legs that went on for a three day weekend...and hair the color of honey spilled on a $2 lunch counter.
Mark: Yes, it was going to be an 'interesting' night.
[Sax crescendo, and fade to black]