Black Vatican Sports News

The 2007 US Open of Handball will be going down October 18th-21st, at the Los Caballeros courts in Fountain Valley, California. If you can't be there, you can watch the live webcast - details here!

In local handball news, His Sinfulness seems to be recovering from his slump, winning two games of cutthroat in convincing fashion yesterday. The Pontifex Niger had been stinking up the courts for the last few weeks, until illness and exhaustion forced him to take about a week off. The rest seemed to do him some good, and he was back to his usual shaved-ape-like form.

The Infernal Pontiff was quick to point out that his fellow players were also on their games. "Vanilla Fresh was making some great shots, and Doktor Smith was playing well all over the court - until his penis came unscrewed."

His Sinfulness was referring to a brief stoppage of play, when the top ball from the Good Doktor's apadravya came off, fell down his pant leg, and rolled across the court. When it was brought to his attention, he quickly reattached his penile accessory and the game continued, but apparently the phallic wardrobe malfunction ruined Smith's concentration. "Having something fall off of your junk has got to unnerve a guy," said the Black Pope, adding, "I thought it was from my tongue bar initally - really glad I didn't pick it up and put it in my mouth."

In other sports news, Flynn and His Sinfulness took to the badminton courts last night with their new racquets in hand. Despite the horrible crushing they both received at the hands of two more experienced players from Asia, the racquets were a success.

Flynn's Qiangli B 86 (shown at left) performed well, helping the artist play better than pitiful badminton. Although His Sinfulness literally had to drag the slothful one from the house, he had a good time once he got to the gym. As he left the courts, the Canadian was heard describing the racquet as "cool as fuck," and "more smackier."


His Sinfulness was also impressed with his new Pro Kennex Titanium Pro 727 (shown at right). "It's light, quick, graceful, and maneuverable - everything I'm not," said the Sable Primate. Black Vatican insiders say that His Sinfulness has been spotted in private moments stroking the new racquet and speaking to it in a low voice. "We'll show those skinny Asian players, won't we Precious?" The Precious could not be reached for comment.