Defunk

The progress of American Letters marches on...

defunct (di-fngkt') adj., having ceased to exist or live. L. defunctus, p. p. of defungi to acquit one's self of, to perform, finish, depart, die; de + fungi to perform, discharge: cf. F. d['e]funt.
Example: "The boar, defunct, lay tripped up, near." --Byron.

defunk (di-fungk') v., to remove the funk from. Neologism, Hastings, 2004 (last Monday, to be exact).
Example: That shirt smells - we should defunk it." --Furious

More Movies
Alright, certain members of the Flock were not sufficiently challenged by my first list...

Army of Darkness ("First you wanna' kill me, now you wanna' kiss me. Blow.")

The Big Lebowski ("Nihilists...say what you will about the National Socialist Party, but at least it's an ethos.")

Fargo ("He was funny lookin'. More so than most.")

Bad Taste ("I'm a Derek - and Dereks don't run.")

Tommy Boy ("He's a big dumb animal, isn't he folks?")

Metropolis (No quote - I'm talking about the original. It's silent.)

Phantom of Paradise (Good luck finding this one at the video store...)

Excalibur ("Behold - the Sword of Power!")

Barbarella (See where Duran Duran got their name...)

Labyrinth (David Bowie at his androgenous best...)

Dark City ("Sleep. Sleep NOW.")

The Name of the Rose ("We are not here to debate whether Christ was poor - but rather, if the Church should be.")

The Last Star Fighter (Who says playing video games never pays off?)

Dangerous Beauty ("Just because you can say it in Latin, doesn't mean it's not obscene.")

Outlaw Josie Wales ("I got a piece of rock candy, but it ain't fer eatin' - it's fer lookin' through.")

Tombstone ("Yes darlin', you're a good woman. Then again, you might be the anti-christ.")

Heathers ("I love my dead gay son!")

Idle Hands ("This voice said, "Walk into the light..." Dude, it was just too far.")

Lost Boys ("People are strange, when you're a stranger...")

Purple Rain (I like Prince. Deal with it.)

Liquid Sky ("This pussy has teeth.")

Quadrophenia (Worth it just for the soundtrack by The Who...)

Clockwork Orange ("And what do you have to play your 'Fuzzy Warbles' on? Pitiful, portable, picnic player? Come with Uncle, and you shall hear demon trombones, and angel coronets. You are invited.")

Iron Monkey (but for god's sake, don't rent the sequel...)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ("Fine, then. Not Sisters. Not friends.")

American Werewolf in London ("Do us all a favor - kill yourself.")

There - that oughta' hold you for a while...

The Reverend's Movie List
It has come to my attention that many of the Flock are a bit behind in their cult movie viewing. If you haven't seen these movies, go rent them. I mean it.

Blade Runner ("Too bad she won't live - but then again, who does?")

Big Touble in Little China ("Have you paid your dues? Yes sir, the check's in the mail.")

The (original) Star Wars Trilogy ("No mystical force guides my life...")

Star Trek II, Wrath of Kahn ("Revenge is a dish best served cold.")

Mystery Men ("Disco is NOT dead! Disco is LIFE!")

The Austin Powers Trilogy ("Would you like a suckle of my zipple?")

All the Queen's Men ("I'm a bisexual lesbian trapped in a man's body, but it's more complicated than
that.")

Aliens ("No guns? What are we supposed to use, harsh language?")

Tank Girl ("I have two words for you - BRUSH YOUR TEETH!")

Rock Horror Picture Show ("Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?")


There are many more, but this will get you started.

Linus "Well, I am a ticking time bomb of fury..." Furious

Sunday Sermon

(The Management regrets that the Sunday Sermon has been postponed due to the following important message from our founder, The Reverend Linus Furious.)

"A Drag Queen touched my sack."

(We will return to our regulalrly scheduled programming once the Reverend is able to wrap his mind around this experience. Your patience is appreciated.)

Sunday Sermon (a couple days late...)

Alright. All you people who complained about the lack of hellfire and brimstone here at the Ministry lately should be pleased with the following.

No hand jobs in Israel...
"When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his genitals, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy." (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

You see, this is the kind of verse I love. You have to wonder about what set the precedent for this one... was it an accident? I doubt it. I figure some frustrated Hebrew woman grabbed her man by the sack and squeezed until he promised to act like an adult. The judges got together and said, "Oi, did you see what happened to Avram's keniggies? We have to put a stop to these meshuggina women right now!"

No teasing the handicapped...
"'A curse on anyone who misdirects a blind man': the people must all say 'Amen'." (Deuteronomy 27:18)

Um... ok. But can you have fun with them in other ways? Like, for example, sneaking up on one and snatching the yarmulke off his head? No curse for that apparently.

I'll just leave you with this...

"The Idea of a Supreme Being who creates a world in which one creature is designed to eat another in order to subsist, and then passes a law saying, "Thou shalt not kill," is so monstrously, immeasurably, bottomlessly absurd that I am at a loss to understand how mankind has entertained or given it house room this long."
- Peter De Vries

Go in Peace.

Ladie's Night Out...

Two Irish women had gone for a Girl's night out, but had been decidedly over-enthusiastic with the Guinness. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something. They had nothing to wipe with; one thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon fron a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to use that. They then made off for home. The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said "That darned girls nights out has got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties. "That's nothing" said the other "mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks that said "From all of us at the fire Station. We'll never forget you".

Neighbors

MacFarlin saw MacGregor leaning on their shared fence; knowing this meant MacGregor wanted to talk, MacFarlin went to the fence...
"Greetings MacGregor, how are things by ye?"
"I have a bone to pick with ya MacFarlin!" he replied.
"Now what might that be?"
"It seems your son has writ his name in the snow on my side of the fence with his urine!"
"Well you know boys, they will be boys."
"That they will friend, but I recognized me daughter's handwriting!!!! "